MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

WHEN THE BABY COMES...

Well, I made it to 17 weeks last Friday. I’m finding that this is turning out to be a challenging few weeks for me. I’m starting to show more now, so more people are finding out about the pregnancy (neighbors, co-workers, etc). Oh the excitement they have when they find out. “Congratulations!!!” they say. “That’s SO exciting!” When I tell them when my sono is, they ask the typical “are you going to find out the sex?”...looking at me with eager eyes. I tell them no, that we’re not going to find out the sex. Even if we were finding out the sex, to me the 20 week sono has so much more meaning. It will tell us, for the most part, whether or not our baby is healthy. It’s when all the issues with Marco came to light. If the sono goes well, we will certainly feel better, and will celebrate it. I know that even if the sono is ok though, it’s still not a guarantee that things will go our way. We will still have 20 weeks (hopefully) and the delivery to get through. When I’m talking to all of these excited people, I find myself going with them on the idea that the baby is going to come and be just fine. A big part of me really does believe that things will be ok, but it’s just still scary to think that way. Anyway – I go with them on it and say things like “when the baby comes….”. Fill in the blank with whatever. I was at a prenatal yoga class the other day (it was weird being there – but that could take up its own blog post), the instructor was having us hold our arms out. She said, “it’s important to have strong arms for when the baby comes. You’ll have to be holding the baby and lugging around the carseat.” Such a definitive statement that is. Such a bold assumption she is making. You get pregnant, and 9 months later you have a baby to hold and “lug” around. If only it were always that way. I guess this blog post has a little bit of a negative undertone…but it’s just my scared feelings coming out. I still haven’t felt much/if any movement. There have been a couple of times where I thought that I MIGHT have felt a few flutters…but that’s it. With Marco, I was always waiting and hoping to feel more movement. Even though I made it to 29 weeks with him, I hardly ever felt him move that much. There was only one time around 28 weeks when I was on bed rest that I felt a good tumble in my belly. Every time we had a sono, he was so active…I just never felt him since I had increased amniotic fluid, coupled with him being small for his gestational age. So feeling movement with this one is going to be a big milestone for me. I think that once I start feeling him/her move, I’ll hopefully feel a little better. So, we’ll wait 3 more weeks for the sono. There is a subsequent pregnancy after a loss group that is a branch off the loss group I had been going to. There’s a meeting tonight…it will be my first one and I think it’ll be good for me. Marco – I love you so much. Thank you for watching over your little sibling Little Foot and for your help in giving your daddy and me the strength to try again. You are such an amazing blessing.

  • I think it's understandable that you would have those thoughts and feelings.  I think it's really neat that you're waiting to find out it Little Foot is a boy or a girl.  Not many people do that these days.  I think it would be so hard for me not to cheat and try and find out... but how special it will be when you finally have him/her!

    Hang in there.  I know these next three weeks are going to be hard and slow.  Keep thinking positive.. we're all here for you if you need us :D

                ((hugs))

                   Julie

  • Libby-

    I so hope these next three weeks go by really, really fast for you.  I know you'll be able to breathe a huge sigh of relief after the sono.

    I too understand the true meaning of the 20 week ultrasound- i guess all of us who have been through such tragedies do....

    And btw- don't apologize for blogging about your feelings- it's totally understandable given what you've gone through and are going through :).

    Keep us posted- hugs to you.

    Jennifer

  • Hi Libby,

    I remember all those feelings you are having. Pregnancy after a loss is so hard and no one understands all sensitivities we have....the worries, will everything be ok, the faith it takes to not worry all the time. Looking back on this last pregnancy ( which just ended two wks ago).  I do wish I was able

    to open my heart more, I spent so much time thinking about the what Ifs that I didn't enjoy allot of moments of my pregnancy and I hope you are able to enjoy those moments.

    I will be thinking of you at the 20 wk ultrasound, I know how diff that one was for me, as well as feeling those kicks. I had excessive fluid with Baron and we knew of his anomalies so I did not much as well. Wishing you a healthy pregnancy, with a plump little baby at the end:). I have faith it will happen for you!

  • Libby:

    Just yesterday I was wondering about you..... wow 17 weeks already! Yes a pregnancy after a loss is so hard, you don´t want to get excited, but I think in a way we are, just for the simple fact to be pregnant again. I will pray for you, that these 3 weeks to come, and the 20 weeks sono, will be great. Praying for 23 healthy weeks to come, and cheer for you and the baby.

    You know, I didn´t buy a thing for miss V, even when she was in NICU, I didn´t want to be so hopeful, but in my heart I was happy and excited. Go along, cheer up, and why not, dream awake, you and your baby deserve it.

    Big hug

    Lorena

  • I don't hear nearly enough from you girlie!!  I'm glad that all is well, but completely understand how you would have the feelings of being scared.  I haven't been there, but the idea alone scares me so I can imagine that if I were there.....those feelings would be there.  Hugs to you as you go through each day and take steps closer to the ultrasound date.  My prayers are with you!!

    Tracy

  • Libby,

    17 weeks already! Oh my gosh where does the time go.  I shared so many of your feelings.  I dreaded showing and tried to hide for so long just to avoid all those "SO exciting" comments.  Ugh.

    And oooh the movements.  We also had too much fluid with Akeelah and notice many more movements with Micah.  It was bittersweet.  I'll be keeping you in my thoughts as your 20 week appointment approaches.

    Hugs,

    Lauren

  • Wow, 17 weeks already!  That's so wonderful to hear Libby!  I am so glad that you are going to a support group too.  I hope that is helping you along with Share.  I wish you good luck that the next few weeks whirl by so that you may breathe a little easier.

    Keep thinking those positive thoughts girl!

    Lindsay

  • Hi. Sorry, I have been AWOL for a while, computer issues with Share site. Hopefully, it is going to be worked out soon. I have missed everyone.

    I am excited for you, and totally understand the feelings you are having. You have learned the hard lesson that just getting pregnant does not guarantee a positive outcome. That is a lesson no one ever forgets. Your feelings are very understandable.

    Here is looking forward to a good report on the 20 week ultrasound. I know that feels like a million years from now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, you will get there.

    Sending prayers your way,

    Kristina