MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

WHERE DO I FIT IN?

Yesterday I went to my first big BBQ of the season. There were lots of moms there. Young moms, old moms, new moms, moms to be. I found myself wondering, where do I fit in here? I'm a new mom...I was just pregnant about 7 months ago. I birthed a baby. I have the c-section scar. I share lots of similarities with some of those moms there. I didn't feel like I could join in those conversations though. It just didn't feel right. My baby was not resting in a sling around my shoulder or in a Baby Bjorn backback-thing. My baby was not slobbering on my hand, or melting everyone's heart. I didn't have to excuse myself to go breastfeed. Despite all that I just wrote, I was able to enjoy myself and I'm glad that I went. I saw some great family friends who I hadn't seen in a long time and got to hang out with my sister, mom and two little nephews. I just couldn't help though to feel a little out of place...not quite knowing where I fit in. On another note, I happened to read an article in the paper the other day about a couple who gave birth to their first daughter, Katie, who was still born about 2 years ago. They wanted to do something in her honor - so they decided to have a park built in her name. It turns out that they were able to raise about $22,000 (apparently the cost of a park is very high) to have this park built. I decided to go to the ribbon cutting ceremony which took place on Saturday morning. It was truly beautiful. A few people from the county park authority spoke. Also, their OB and a woman from a perinatal loss group spoke. By the time the parents got up to speak, the tears were flowing. The playground is named Katie's Playground, after their little angel. They now have an 8 month old daughter who was also there. Anyway - I just thought it was an amazing tribute to their daughter. To built a place where children will always be able to come together to play and laugh. I so look forward to the day that I can take my child to that park to play and laugh. I love you Marco - sleep tight my angel.

  • It's always difficult to feel so uncomfortable in your own skin, not knowing exactly where you belong.  We're kind of in a category all our own I guess.  Moms, but not in the traditional sense, even after other babies still not traditional moms because there will always be one less head to count.  Oh I can't wait to wear my little one!  I've already got a carrier in mind, lol!  I'm so glad that you were able to enjoy yourself even though you weren't quite sure where you fit in.

    That sounds like a really beautiful tribute to their little girl, I'm so glad you were able to go and witness that.  That will be a beautiful sight to see you bringing your rainbow baby to Katie's playground to play, you must post a picture of that very special day for us, I'm hoping that it will be very soon for you!

    Stacy

  • I am so glad that you were able to spend time with your mom and sister.

    The park is such a great way for her parents to remember Katie. Hopefully you will be able to take a little one there to play soon.

    Katie

  • That is such a strange feeling. At least we always fit in here with each other. I'm glad you had a chance to go to the park opening. It seems like a place you did belong, and will belong in the future.

    Shannon

  • I've felt that "out of place" feeling myself....not one of my favorite times, but I'm glad that you were able to enjoy yourself even though the situation was not ideal.  

    As for the park honoring their daughter---what a beautiful idea!!  I'm sure their memories will always be full of laughter when they think of Katie.

    Tracy

  • Libby-

    Yes, it is not fun to "not fit in."  However, I liked Lauren's post about "owning it."  I had a friend who had her baby last week and I found out that she had had a cesarean.  Instead of shying away from the topic, I called her and left her a message about how bad c-sections suck (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and that if she had any questions, she should call me.  She did call back and we were able to share experiences,  and I could give her some insight on how much c-sections suck (O, did I already say that!) Anyway, I felt like I was part of it.  When pregnant women are talking, I am going to try to share my experiences......there are going to be many moments in the future.  We all know how women love to talk,  and I hope that I try to fit in, where I can.

    Fitting in where I can..................that's the point.  I think I totally just rambled on your post, but you know what I mean.  ;)

    Talk to you again soon.

    Zsuzsi

  • I understand about not knowing where to fit in as well.  It's hard to answer when people ask me, "So, how many children do you have?"  It hurts!  I want people to know about my son who didn't make it.  I feel like I ma betraying him if I don't mention him.  He's everyday, all the time in my mind.  I see his picture everyday when I wake up and go to bed.  He was so cute!  He looked so much like his brothers when they were newborn preemies.  

    I love the idea of the park.  That is such a neat idea!  I sincerely hope that you will get the opportunity to bring your own children to play there one day in the future.  

    Keeping you in my thoughts,

    Lindsay