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So Today I wake and the first thing I say to myself is "oh my God Im actually going to DC" after my post last night i think Im moving more away from being scared and now Im getting excited! Well Ive been excited but you all know what I mean! For three years other than the comfort I have found on SHARE I feel as though I have been fighting this alone, I have joined a club, emailed other members, yet Ive never met a member. This year my best friend joined the club that no one want to be apart of, and I have found a great deal of comfort with her as we try and heal together, however there is still soo much about my daughter that I have a had time dealing with. I know theres always the "what ifs" and I thought I was passed that stage yet here it come creaping up again. At work the other day I there were the two twin girls, and after my friend who was there server told me about them I couldn't go talk to them! They were twins that were born at 24 weeks, they tell me friend how originally they were triplet but there baby brother died. At first I was like aww thats soo sad, then my mind goes to "24 weeks.... Trinity was 25... why couldnt she have made it" "did we fight enough" "did we let her go to soon" Deep down I know we did what we thought was right at 25 week Trinitys was only messuring the size of a 20 weeker, she should have been over a lb she was only 11oz! Sometimes I just dont get it! Why did we have to be dealt this deck of cards, Going through it myself was hard but I didnt have a choice, I had a 2 year old at home and I had to hold it together for him, sitting on the side line watching Cara go through it has been just as hard. YOu always want to protect people you love from difficult thing yet life has a way of allowing difficult things to sneak by. I know Ill see my angel again one day sometime I wish I could go back to that day and hold her one more time.. I know thats impossible! Its been a while since I looked at her pitures. I need to do that Im always afraid Ill forget her! I know that sounds crazy but she was only apart of our lives for five months I held her a total of maybe two hours. thats a little amount of time to last the rest of my life! I miss her today! Trinity: I love you baby girl! mommy and daddy miss you but we'll be together again. Isabella: Please watch over your mommy for me, give her strenght she need.