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I feel the anticipation leading to Trinitys birthday is harder this year than in the past. Maybe because I feel this year is the year I will feel the most in the "what Im missing out on" category. We should be meeting her teacher on Thur not celibrating another year without her. I cant believe 5 years have passed and I HAVE NO IDEA where they have gone. My heart is aching and I want nothing more than to stay cooped up in my house with my Jadon and hide. Im grateful that I have him here with me this year (usually he is at school). You know before Trinity passed my heart would just stop anytime I would hear of a childs passing, misscarriage, stillborn, SIDS, ect. I always would cry even if I didnt know the person. My heart would break for them. Never did I ever imagine that I would fall into that group of people. I still after five year cant believe I apart of a group of people who HAVE to deal with such pain and heartache. So now when I hear about people who join this "group" I want to reach out to them.(usually Im still crying for them) I want them to know that they will get through this and there are brighter days ahead. I want them to know with time they will learn to live a new normal. Not sure if any of this post make and sence but its just how I feel and everything just seems so mixed up in my head right now. I just miss her so much!