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Well this weekend has really been uneventful, yet I find myself still searching for whats next. Im a stay at home mom to a two year old (terrible two let me add) and an angel. I have always been a very active person and being at home now is more difficult then it was befor the loss of my daughter. I have to much time to think, I mean dont get me wrong I love spending time with my son, what I dont like is when the house is quiet and hes playing in his room and a commercial comes on with a beautiful women holding her belly and GLOWING (which I never had the GLOWING) I start to cry. Jadon come out of his room see me crying and says "mommy okay", is it fair. So I finally made a decision. Im gonna get a part time job for the christmas season, just to get a little extra christmas money or maybe pay off a few bills. Then in January Im going back to school. Im going to apply for the LPN program at the local college. I already have my AA degree but I want more. I hope this is what I need. I hope that having something to look forward to will help me from being caught up in the pain of the last few months. I want somethine to be proud of somthing I worked so hard for, that everyone said "now that you have kid you'll never get a degree" Im going to. I miss my daughter. I miss holding her, even tough I only held her a little while. Im not trying to forget her just trying to go about life in her memory. **When someone you love becomes a memory their memory becomes a treasure.**