MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Samarella's Journal

3 years tomorrow

If you had told me three years ago I would be sitting here today I would have told you, that you were nut! Tomorrow is my daughters Trinitys 3rd birthday! My daughter as many of you know will be celibrating her birthday among the angels in heaven! Three years ago tomorrow I didnt think I was gonna make it to the next day ... I was devastated! I didnt think I would make it a day, month, let alone a year and here I am three year later! I have become such a strong women and I feel as though I can handle anything! I still miss her! I still have good days and bad, more good now. I am finally able to tell my story and talk about my daughter without losing it! I am now able to remember her and her short time with us withoput breaking down in tears! I like that I cant be a proud mommy to my angel without crying every time I mention her name! I have always said that everything happens for a reason and that we may never understand why things happen yet I believe God has a plan for all of us. I feel as though my plan was to live through the loss of my daughter Trinitys so that I could be there for my best friend. As many of you know, she lost her daughter Isabella back in March. When I lost Trinity I was alone I didnt know anyone who was going through my pain or understood my hurt (then I found SHARE :) ) Me going through allowed me to be there for her so she never felt alone like I did she always had someone who understood her pain and it also gave Isabella someone who was waiting for her in Heaven. I believe that our angels are together now, along with all the other angels of Mommy on SHARE. Im still not the same person I was before I lost Trinity however I am proud Im not! Im more aware, probably to aware! LOL Im more judgemental as a mom and I hate that but some ppl just dont realized how truely blessed they are to have there children.... sometimes I have to bit my tongue and not tell them that! I am a better person becasue I appreciate things more.... I miss my angel soo much and I hope she know that!

  • Aww...happy 3rd birthday in heaven Trinity....ive just read your blog and can completely relate to it...im so sorry for your loss...my beautiful boy,ashley,was born an angel on 2oth january 2oo9,i was nearly 32 weeks, also due to pre eclampsia...but also developed placental abruption...this year so hard now,will be 7 months in couple days time...and i agree with u about being more judgemental as a mum!i find it hard to keep my mouth shut,so many mums dont realise how lucky they are...wed give anything to have our angels in our arms...my thoughts are with you on trinitys angel date xchantellex

  • Thank you!  Its a hard time and every "angelversary" is hard but Im hanging in there.  I developed pre eclampsia as well!  I know that at only 7 month since you angels passing you still have hard days!  IM not going to say it get easier cause its never easy being a mom to an angel but I will tell you as moms to angels we learn to adapt as moms of angels and we relearn how to live!  Hang in there and lean on the members of SHARE!!!  Its been my rock!  ANd Im always around if you wanna chat!

  • Your friend is so lucky to have you.  I am so glad that you are using your experience to help others.  I know that I also am so much more aware.  

    Erin

  • A very happy heavenly birthday to your little Trinity.  If the Share angels can party one half as well as their Share mommies, I know they'll be having a great time tomorrow! :)

    Your are so right.  It is amazing that any of us make it through those first days.  That we make it years is truly an amazing feat!

    Lauren

  • Happy Birthday sweet Trinity!  I know her heavenly party is going to be amazing.  All of our angelbabies will be there! I agree with you 100%, it is truly amazing that we make it through those first days.  I dont know how we do it, but we do. In the end we are a little battered and scarred, but thats what happens when you are in a battle.

    Thinking of you and sweet, sweet Trinity today!

    Yolonda