My grandmother told me when I was younger that I look at life through rose colored glasses. I remember typing her an email telling her I feel like I lost my rose colored glasses after losing Trinity.
Through the years I have realized many things about loss...
With Jadon I lost 5 1/2 weeks to carry him. I lost that beautiful moment that a baby is born and the baby cries and goes straight to your chest. He was barely breathing. I lost that dream of how it should have been. Jadon lost part of his young childhood due to asthma and respiratory issues. He was sick a lot, in and out of ER and admissions to the hospital.
With Trinity, I lost so much. I lost my innocence I once had believing babies didn't die, and that parents ALWAYS outlive their children. I lost the chance to mother a little girl. I lost who I was before she was born. I almost Lost my husband. I lost my faith. I lost friends who couldn't handle the "new" me. I lost contact with friend I had for years because I had completely checked out. I lost the ability, for a long time, to find any sort of joy.
With Jaxson I found I has lost the ability to find joy in a pregnancy. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Always waiting to hear the words that he was gone...
I haven't quite found my rose colored glasses but I have been able to refocus my eyes and see things more clearly without them. Loss has changed so much in my life. But I have also gained so much. I have gained love & Support. I have found new friendships and reestablished old ones. I have found joy again. I have taken control of this new normal and my loss no longer defines me.
it's hard to get those rose colored glasses after you suffer from a loss. I'm glad you have been able to see the love and support you have and have gained. and being able to find joy again that feels so good once your able to have that back in your life when you felt like you never would. Hugs to you. Nicki
It's amazing to me to see how far we have come after enduring so much loss. You are such an amazing person and to some degree you still have those glasses and I think that's what makes you so wonderful.
Sending lots of love to you
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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