The holidays can be super hard if you have a child who was born premature or you are missing one of your kiddos. In our case we have both. Both my boys came to soon and for my oldest the fear of him having respiratory issues looms over us the moment that the temperature begins to drop. "The Cough" comes and I know that our lives will revolve around breathing treatments and doctor appointments. I hold my breath and just wait. Also Jadon is ADHD and when school lets out for holiday break our routine changes. Routine change is difficult for a child with ADHD sometimes. Trying to keep him busy without to much screen time has been difficult. I don't want him to spend to much time on the tablet but he really can't be outside playing in the cold air. Luckily so far being in Florida we haven't had a cold snap yet.
Missing our angel, Trinity, adds another layer to navigating holidays. Plus we had a miscarriage two days after Christmas in 2011. Trying to keep thing happy and joyful for my boys when deep down my heart aches for the Should-have-beens. The feeling that something is missing is very hard to navigate. I miss out on not buying the perfect Christmas dress, or picking out the perfect gift for my nine year old little girl. I wonder what her letter to Santa would include of if she would even still believe in Santa. We always try to do a photo that includes her bear as a way to include her in our family photos. This will be our ninth Christmas without Trinity here. There are still tears that will stream down my face as the kids open there gifts. But I also know that the world has kept turning and I just have to take it one moment at a time. I do not over book myself and let things go as they will. By not overbooking myself It leaves me room for an emotional time out if I need one.
I know there will be days ahead where I will run here, to my safe place to blog out my feelings and tough moment. I hope each and every one of you who read this remember to be gentle with yourselves. Which every holiday you will be celebrating in the coming days know that you are not alone and we are all here for you!
Pictures of out Thanksgiving and ICE adventure
Thank you so much for this. For reminding us that we're not alone as we navigate these days of joy and sorrow all rolled into one. Your strength and love for your children is inspiring.
So much love to you,
so right when you say to be gentle with ourselves. It can be so easy to try and be that "perfect" mom and try do it all while keeping all our emotions inside. It's okay for us to be sad and wistful for what could have been. Hugs. Nicki
Thank you for sharing this with us Samantha. This time of year is difficult in so many ways. The should have beens are so hard for me too. I can't walk by a store window and not long to dress up my sweet girl in one of those adorable holiday dresses. Allowing for emotional time outs is a great suggestion.
I agree, navigating the holidays adds another difficult layer with thinking of our angels. For me Christmas is always going to be tough as we lost Sean 1 week before Christmas. There is so much sorrow in my heart around this time of the year. It is great that you are allowing yourself extra time, often schedules can get so crammed full, we need to step back and allow some extra time if needed. Great pictures, looks like you guys have been having some good times!
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