Coming to terms with being done.
That's a very hard pill to swallow when all you have ever wanted was a house full of kids.
I love my boys and the relationships I have with each of them and I wouldn't change it for the world.
But I miss my sweet girl and miss all the thing I will not get to experience with her, I will not watch her grow.
Maybe these emotion are all high because Trinity's birthday is coming up very soon and I can't believe its been 7 years.
Maybe it was Erin's Blog, some parts were like she was reading my mind. I wanted to scream "yes yes exactly how I feel"
How do you accept the fact that the dreams you had growing up as a child have been somewhat taken from you, that your body failed.
I will never have that mother daughter bond ever. I will never have the opportunity to raise a little girl nor watch her play with her brothers.
I hope that I am able to reach the point where I am okay with the card that have been dealt to me, accept it in a way I guess I am saying.
It may be a long time before I ever get to that point and honestly have not idea just how to get to that point in my life, I feel lost.
Like Many times before I will just travel this road one baby step at a time until I find out where I am going.
I am beyond thankful for my boys and for my sweet baby girl and the moments I have/had with them.
I just hope that the pain of not getting to mother my sweet baby girl never takes away from my boys.
I guess all I really need is time, maybe that will help...
Hugs to you!! I'm sorry that you're even having to deal with these emotions and thoughts. This is definately not what I'd planned for my life either. We'll take it one step at a time I guess.
I know that each and every one of our losses is different yet the same in some way. While I am that mother to all girls I still have a very large hole in my heart and an empty seat at my dinner table. I will never mother another child because medically it is just not an option. It is so hard. Like Tracy said not what I pictured for my life. Sending you lots and lots of hugs as your special girls days approaches.
I so hear you. That mother daughter bond...it makes me so sad that we don't get to have it. I love my boys too, beyond all words, but I miss my little girl (and all things mother/daughter-related). Randi's birthday is coming up too (8/23) so I'm really right there with you.
Big big hugs!
I know that even for non-angel mommas - mommas who have never had a loss, it can be hard to come to terms with being done with having kids. It can be difficult to come to terms with not having more. As an angel momma, I think it just makes coming to terms with that that much more difficult.
We're with you on this journey. One day at a time.
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