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It's been a while since I've blogged.  But the past 2 months have been crazy.  So much has happened.  My 34 weeker who is now 15 developed a large mass on his back. It was about the size of a baseball and stuck up off the back.   We went to the doctor and were referred to a dermatologist.  The dermatologist referred us to a surgical dermatologist.  Each doctor stated that is really wasn't something to be concerned about that it was probably a lipoma or a cyst of some sort but that removal was necessary because it may cause problems due to its size.    So we scheduled the appointment about a week before winter break.  When we were having it removed the doctor started looking concerned.  He began to think we were dealing with something more than just lipoma due to the size and how it had attached to the muscle in his back.    He suggested sending it to have it looked at.  The first look at the sample the doctors decided they needed a second opinion.  So fast forward.  They want to send the sample the the University of Miami.  The concern is either sarcoma or nodular fasciitis.  They both look so similar which is why it's being sent to UofM.  

So here I am waiting.  I feel like every single time I let my guard down I get slammed in the face.  Jadon was born premature, barely breathing.  Spent the first 5 years in and out of the hospital with breathing issues.  When he was 2 we said goodbye to our daughter when she was born 15 weeks to soon and almost going into organ failure myself.  Then 6+ year of trying then a miscarriage before we got pregnant with Jaxson.  I let my guard down after I passed the 25 weeks mark where we lost Trinity and BAM! He went into distress and came at 32 weeks and me being diagnosed with blood clotting disorders.  Then I finally get him home, our family complete, and when he was 6 months old he developed a horrible infection and was transported to Arnold Palmer for emergency surgery.  He was 12 hours from being septic.  We got him home and healthy and I finally got to the point that I felt comfortable letting my guard down and here we are.   It's hard when life keeps throwing you for a loop to remain positive.  Hard not to let the worst case scenario play out in your mind.  He is 15.  He has been through so much in his life and I just needed this to be easy.   We should know by the end of the week exactly what we are dealing with.  I just need this to not be Sarcoma.  I need to know that this 34 weeker who first made me a mom does not have any form of Cancer.