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Samarella's Journal

Falling apart..

So as many of you know my god-daughter to be passed away on Tuesday after being born 11 weeks to soon. I havent allowed myself to completely fall apart... This was out busiest day at work and well I really didnt have a choice... So I picked up extra shift and told myself I wasnt allowed to fall apart till this week was over, I put in over 50 hours this week trying to keep myself busy... now that this week as finished and Im off for the next 2 days I have finally began to allow myself the time to grieve the lost of my god daughter who they choose to name Isabella May. Sweet Isabella May joined my angel in heaven, now as her mommy tried to pick up ther pieces of her broken heart I sit hear and think of the long road she has ahead, Knowing if I could take this pain away from her I would. Moarine was my rock along with you all. As many of you who were at SHARE UNION 09 know that the news of Isabellas arrival was told to me just hours before jumping on the plane to DC. Falling apart it all I can do now, I cant change it, I cant bring Trinity or Isabella May back no matter how bad I want to! Along with all this it is a holiday and as I have said a million times in the past three years Holidays are always the hardest for me.. while making Jadon easter basket last night I was realized how I should be making two baskets and not one.. When my son called me at work sooo excited that the easter bunny left egg all over the house "even in the bathroom" I was heart broken because there should have been a toddler following her big brother around fighting over the eggs! Im lost again... Lost! I miss my angel and I gieve for my god daughter

  • I missed your last post.  I am so very sorry for your friend.  How I wish this club could permanently be closed.  I'm so sorry today was difficult... sometimes those days just have to come.

    I am keeping you all in my thoughts today.

    Lauren

    Lauren

  • I thought about the fact that I should be making two baskets too....even after 6 years.  I think that feeling will always be there.  

    Wish I could change all of this for you, but unfortunately all I can do is *listen*.  

    Tracy

    P.S.  Have you checked out the New Normal thread in the Lost a Child folder in Parent to Parent?  Just thought you might like to be a part of that too.

  • Samantha~ I really wish we lived closer! You are in my thoughts every day, and I'm sending u some virtual hugs from California today. 3