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Samarella's Journal

fear and anxiety

The closer I get to 20 weeks the fear and anxiety is setting in. Im 17 weeks 5 days and despite how far we've gotten I still have so far to go. The thought of being this far remind me that I've already passed the half way mark for both previous pregnancies. That's scary to me. Never did I imagine Jadon coming so soon, and although due to Jadon I realized Trinity could come early I never imagine never bringing her home. I want to keep this baby tucked safe.inside for as long as possible. I want to feel regular movement reminding me he's okay! I want to give Jadon the chance to really be a big brother. I want that moment where the babies born and goes straight to my chest, baby screaming and everyone crying happy tears. I've.never had that. I want what so many parent have experienced. Not the fear! Not the anxiety. I want to leave the hospital the same day as my son. Him tucked safe in my arms. I want to enjoy the moments I carry him and not be terrified every second of every day!

  • Sam, congrats on another week along.  It's unfair that there is so much anxiety and stress when it should be such a happy and blissful time.  I know that I had awkward smiles on my face as well as I wouldn't be happy until baby was safe and sound.  I hope that you do get to experience those textbook delivery moments.  

    Thinking of you,

    Lindsay

  • It's so hard to allow yourself to imagine those situations when the past has been challenging.  Stay positive and know that we're praying for healthy happy baby, brother, and parents!!

    Hugs!

    Tracy

  • I remember that feeling all to well.  It's so hard to go through a subsequent pregnancy after a loss.  I remember being very obsessive about feeling Lucia move regularly.  I think it's normal to not feel regular movements until at least 20+ weeks, but I know it's hard to wait....especially since you never felt much movement from Trinity (as was my experience w/ Marco).  

    Hugs!

    Libby

  • Sam,

    The anxiety is understandable -- and as the others said ... and I will certaintly attest to ... being pregnant after a loss is a completely different ballgame. It's an obsessive experience --because we know all too well that being pregnant doesn't mean a full 9 months with a healthy baby.

    It took me 30 weeks of my pregnancy with Kaelin before I finally took that deep breath, exhaled and allowed myself to enjoy it. I had to get to a point where I allowed myself to do that -- set a goal of sorts.

    Hugs.

    erin

  • Hi Sam- one day at a time, that's my mantra.....i completely understand your fear and anxiety though.

    yay for being nearly 18 weeks, such an accomplishment :)

    Jennifer