Sometimes I feel so lost and unconnected with Jadon. Sometimes I am at my breaking point with him and then the guilt kicks in and I feel like a horrible mom. Yes sometimes I become "that mom" that yells and loses her cool, and when the dust settles I collapse on the floor and cry. Jadon has struggled this year big time and the older he gets the harder it is becoming.
I often find myself stuck between what is normal 10 year old "acting out" and what is the ADHD. Sometimes he gets snotty and talk horrible to me. I have eliminated his screen time to a point system to earn it and he will not do anything to earn it but pitches a fit over screen time. Today we went to the Dr's and we talked about a med change. His current meds do not seem to be doing the job and now it is effecting his schooling.
Sometimes I just feel lost and like I'm losing a battle. Sometimes it is a constant war in my home. Then other times he is a beautiful sweet amazing little boys.
Tonight I pulled out the twin beds out of his room and made a huge set up on the floor for his sleep over with his cousin. I figured they usually sleep with my MIL but until they fell asleep that it would be fun to lat there watch movies and eat popcorn... you know fun stuff right??? WRONG When he got home he jumped me about how they were having a sleepover in Grandma's (my MIL lives with us) room and he didn't want to sleep on the beds in the living room. I wasn't even given the chance to tell him the plan before he lost his mind. Then he grabbed the tablet and when I told him no he again lost his cool. I know it was late and his meds have worn off but at what point is he held accountable to his behavior. how do I know what he has and doesn't have control over. What is it like in his head when he is so restless with himself. How hard is this for him or is he playing me. How much is he struggling on the inside? is he struggling? is he just difficult? Have I done about this all wrong?
I try to keep things structured... I try to have boundaries... I try to have rules... Reward systems... I try to have consequences...
I just sometimes feel like nothing has worked at all.
I'm probably all over the place.
But right now he is asleep on the twin mattresses on the living room floor with his cousin. He fell asleep watching a movie. And He is peaceful. He is quiet. He is not out of control. At this moment I need this. I need to see this peaceful side of him at this moment.
You're an amazing mama to your sweet Jadon. And you get extra awesome kudos because you're getting thrown curve balls. I heart the book "The Explosive Child" by Ross Greene. He has such a caring and compassionate way to understand the perspectives kids and parents as well as some practical suggestions for everyone.
You are an amazing mama and I wish for you, and him, many many more peaceful moments.
I wish I had answers. It may not feel like it, but you are doing a great job. I hope things smooth out or maybe you find answers.
I'm so sorry you're having such a struggle. I will say that my almost 10 yo nephew, who I spend a LOT of time with, has a lot of outbursts (he does not have ADHD) that result in him saying very hateful things over what appears to me to be nothing. Like you said, he freaks out before he has all the facts. He shuts down when people try to help him. I think a lot of it may be normal 10 yo stuff, learning to manage emotions and expectations, but I wonder about Ben, too. How to help him work through the struggles to get to the other side without losing my temper. It's frustrating. It must be more so for you. There is no doubt that you are the absolute best mom you can be. Just the fact that you're agonizing here shows that you are. I hope that you can find some ways to see more peaceful moments.
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