Samarella's Journal


  • Samantha,

    I'm so sorry your in a funk right now. I know how hard the family picture thing is. I am the same way. I just wish this didn't have to be so hard.

    As far as the lack of family support I am really sorry about that. I get that too. I mentioned something about an item I was planning on donating to our local chef event here in front of my mother and grandmother and my grandmother made kind of a snarky comment about it because of the price of the item we were donating. It really ticked me off. Its like she doesn't remember why we do what we do. I just brushed it off and honestly felt sorry for her. I expect insensitivity from strangers, not my family. Then again their definition of family and mine are different. My definition changed after my rose colored glasses were broken when my daughter died. You all are my family and I am your family. I remember Trinity and how much she means and how much you have been paving the way for babies everywhere because of her. Your family is here for you Samantha just not the ones related to you by blood.

    Hope you feel better soon. Love ya!


  • Samantha-

    She IS a part of those family pictures.  I know its not how we imagined it would be or should be.  But momma she is part of those pictures.  She is in everyone's eyes.  She impacts every step you take- she can not not be in your lives, in your pictures, in your family.  There are somethings death doesn't erase.

    I'm sorry you aren't finding the support you need from your family.  I really like what Jami said- we're your family momma and we love your sweet lil' Trinity.  Her story is not lost on us.



  • Samantha -

    Hang in there love. As the wise women above said, we are your family - the family that gets it, that loves Trinity, that is here for you in every way. Most of my family has never donated to our walk team. It's so frustrating. They lived it with us, talk about the miracle of Ryley, and yet refuse to support us in this way.  It has only been in the last two years they've started to come around.

    Sending hugs and lots of love. Sometimes we need just need to be in that funk for a bit. We're here.

    Love you!


  • Just wanted to let you know I love you, and I think of you so often.   I just know your Baby Girl is looking down and so proud of all you do in her honor.  



  • I'm sorry that you're in a funk :(  I know what that's like, and I know it's no fun.

    While Trinity will not be with you in that photo in body, she most certainly will be there in spirit.  I know it's hard though - I know.

    I'm sorry that you haven't gotten the support from your family and friends that you would have hoped for.  I know that must be so frustrating.

    You do so much for so many people.  I know Trinity is so proud of her momma.

    Much love,


  • I think we all need to wear the crown of Grumpy Smurf at times!  I don't know how to help with the missing piece of the family photo....I have the same issue.  

    Hugs to you!!!


  • Hugs!  I'm sorry you're in such a funk right now!  Ditto what Lauren said, she is very much a part of those pictures even if she isn't physically in them!  I think people don't like taking on the responsibility of the walk for some reason, I struggle with getting people to actually show up and the majority of my donations are from people I've never even met in person.  It is what it is and it sucks but what's important is that YOU are doing your best job to make your sweet girl proud of you.  Hugs!!


  • Oh Samantha.  I'm so sorry that Trinity isn't here, all dressed up and dancing around between her two brothers.  It's so unfair and the fact that those closest to you don't get it makes it hurt that much more.

    Funks often seem to come out of nowhere but we all know they're just lurking around the corner waiting for us to get comfortable so they can pounce.

    Please know that we all love you and your sweet girl and two boys.  Know that we understand and wish things were different just as much as you do.

    So much love coming your way,


  • I'm sorry for the funk, but you're so allowed to feel this way whenever you want.  Family photos are hard.  We had one in 2008 when I was preggo with our angel.  I forced myself to take one again in 2009.  Fake, fake, fake.  I know, I look at the pics too and think someone is missing.  Someone will always be missing.  I've heard that some families have an item or a little trinket that represents their angel with them in the pics always.  Seems like something nice to do.  I'm glad that you were able to find some darling outfits for the boys.  So hard Sam, hugs!