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So today is the day Ive been Dreading. Today is my Daughter Trinitys 3rd birthday! I cant help but miss her the most day! At this time three years ago (830am) the dr were coming into the room I was in at the BIG hospital in Orlando and told me that they would have to induce me that my body was shutting down and that by baby girl would most likely not make it! The hardest decision followed that conversation! The next few hours and day area all a blur to me! I know that She was born at about 715 and that we spent about two hours with her before they took her away! Sometimes I play the what if games yet I know that we did everything we could! Sometimes I want to go back to that time and hold her one more moment! Kiss her goodbye one more time! My life has not been the same since that day! I still have anxiety around new born babys and prego women... expecially when I feel the babys arent being taken care of or if I see a prego women smokeing and drinking when there prego! I wouldnt wish this pain on anyone but I wish everyone could undersatnd that they are not invisable and bad things dont just happen to bad people. You should do everything you can to give you baby the best start and some women take having babies for granted! We have talked about trying again yet I dont think I could go through the pain and I dont want a new baby to take the place of Trinity, she is my angel and I am a better person because she graced our lives! I just want that garentee that it wont happen again yet I cant have that! I have meet some stronger amazing women on here that have lost multiple children and I have no idea how they have the strength to continue! I guess Im just not that strong, Im want another child so bad yet I want to run away from the idea with my tail between my legs! THey say "life is what happens when your busy making other plan" That is soo true. We spend so much time planning how we want our life to go yet while we are planning our lives have a way of taking over and taking its own path! I once heard a cute poem How you live you dash! I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning…to the end. He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following date with tears, But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth… And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; The cars…the house…the cash, What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard… Are there things you’d like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider what’s true and real, And always try to understand The way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we’ve never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile… Remembering that this special dash Might only last a little while. So, when your eulogy’s being read With your life’s actions to rehash… Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash? I could help but think that my daughter didnt have a dash but just a single date and I was soo sad, But then I began to think about my life and my dash and although my daughter didnt have a dash she is a main part of MY DASH! I believe that helping others in my shoes, supporting the March Of Dimes and other mommys on SHARE. BEing a good mom to my oldest Jadon and remembering my angels is how I live my dash! Happy Bithday Baby Girl! I love you and miss you! I may have only got to hold you for a moment in my arms but I will hold you forever in my heart!