MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Samarella's Journal

I KNOW TWO IN ONE NIGHT

AS I SAT DOWN TONIGH IN FRONT OF A SMALL BOX. MY DAUGHTERS WHOLE LIFE FITS INTO THIS LITTLE BOX. I OPEN THE LID, ITS BEEN A WHILE SINCE I REALLY SAT DOWN AND SPEND A MOMENT BY MYSELF LOOKING AT MY DAUGHTERS SHORT LIFE. ON TOP IT THE BLANKET, THE ONE THE HOSPITAL GAVE ME. THE ONE WE HAD HER PICTURES TAKEN ON! IT USE TO HAVE THAT HOSPITAL SMELL NOW IT SMELLS LIKE THE BOX, KINDA DISAPPOINTING. I THEN READ TO SCRAP BOOK THAT I STARTED THE DAY I FOUND OUT SHE WAS COMING. ALOT OF TIME AND EFFORT I PUT INTO THAT BOOK FOR IT TO END SO SOON! I THEN READ ALL THE CARDS. KINDA SAD THAT THEY MAKE SOME MANY DIFFERENT CARD ABOUT LOSING A CHILD... SAD TO KNOW THAT THERE ARE OTHERS WHO FEEL THAT PAIN! I THEN WENT THROUGHT THE FEW PICTURES I HAVE, AND THE BOOKS AND SMALL BABY BRACELETS FROM THE HOSPITAL. KINDA SAD TO THINK THAT MY DAUGHTERS LIFE FITS INTO THIS BOX, LIKE THERE SHOULD BE SO MUCH MORE! ITS AMAZIN HOW SOMEONE SO SMALL HAS CHANGED MY LIFE SOOOO MUCH. MY LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME. THIS SMALL LIFE IN THIS SMALL BOX, HAS CHANGED MY HEART. EVERYONE SAYS THAT IT WILL GET EASIER. BUT REALLY IT NEVER GET "EASIER" WE HAVE ALL LEARNED TO JUST LIVE WITH THE PAIN. WE HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE AS THE MOTHER OF AN ANGEL AND MAKE THE BEST OUT OF WHAT GOD HAS PLACED IN FRONT OF ME... AND NO I DONT UNDERSTAND, ILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. I HAVE TO LEARN TO BE STONG FOR MY SON WHO WILL BE THREE SOON. HE HAS NOT CLUE WHY IM SAD. MY HEART JUST HURTS. I MISS MY ANGEL! I WISH I COULD HAVE JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES WITH HER. IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY ANGEL TRINITY LEIGH 8-18-07

  • I am so sorry for your loss and unfortunately understand your pain.  I work in a pediatric hospital and only 2 months after the loss of my baby Madeline had to take care of a 29 week pregnant 15 year old girl today.  She was so young herself, not taking care of herself.  Her mother still needed to take care of her and help her sign papers in the room.  It is unfair and it was so hard not to cry right there.  I try to remember that God did not do this.  He did not make that girl pregnant or take away my child.  Things live and things die, and I believe God is there to help us through it all whether we realize it at the time or not.  Trinity knows how much you love her.  You are a good mother and she will always be with you.  Even though you can't hold her in your arms, you will always be holding her in your heart.  Wishing you peace.

    Lisa

  • I am so sorry for your pain.  I wish that there was something that I could do or say to help take some of it away.

    Kathryn