Last night a wave hit and I wasn't sure at the time what triggered it. I just knew that deep down inside I miss her. As the night trailed on and I couldn't sleep I realized why the wave has hit. All last week and through the weekend my friend posted beautiful pictures of Daddy-daughter dances. I saw these sweet little girls, all about Trinity's age, all decked out with their amazing daddies by there side. There were pictures of Daddy putting on wrist corsages, daddy's and daughters dancing on the dance floor. And my heart ached. How I wish I had spent hours at the store with her finding the perfect dress, spent hours finding the perfect outfit for her daddy. How I would have loved to order her her first corsage....
The should have beens are the hardest. I love seeing the picture but sometimes they hurt. I am thankful that other families get to experience these moment but how I wish we could too. I don't know if I will ever be able to see these photos and not have a small ache in my heart. Maybe I am weak. Maybe I am in a different place than I though I was. But today my heart hurt. Today I wish I wasn't a loss mom because to tell you the truth I am getting tired of it. I find very few people understand where I come from, even people who I thought would get it don't. I just want one more hug and maybe a daddy-daughter dance.
hugs to you. You are not weak. There are things that will always be hard for us to see and hear. Sometimes it's just not fair! Nicki
I understand this all too well. Here lately I can go a week or so without crying then all of the sudden the smallest thing can trigger a memory. We've got a long road ahead of us my friend, but we will not travel it alone!!! I love you sis!!!!
Right there with you, as always.
Tons of hugs,
Oh Samantha, it's so unfair that you don't get to shop for the perfect dress, buy her first corsage, take pictures of your beautiful, beaming girl as she walks out the door with her proud daddy.
All the 'should have beens' are so, so unfair! It sucks that you and Trinity don't get all those wonderful things and so much more.
I'm so sorry.
Although many people walk along this journey with you, no two paths are the same. This journey is isolating from the rest of the world and can sometimes be isolating even within our "safe zone". Every person grieves differently and in their own time, everyone's life is different and those differences affect how we grieve. None of us are right or wrong, we are just different.
The last word I would use to describe you is weak. There is nothing weak about you. The strength and courage you show every single time you share Trinity's story is nothing short of amazing. Not only are you giving your daughter a voice, you are giving a voice to all of the mothers and fathers of the future. Because of your efforts I have hope that Alexia, Alexandria and Keira will have a happy healthy 40 weeks pregnancy. Because of what you do I believe that Jaxson and Jadon will get those daddy-daughter dances. You are taking the most tragic moment in your life and sharing it with the world with the hope that the world will one day be different. You are changing the world. There is no weakness in that.
There is nothing wrong with longing for those moments. They are moments we will never get. Moments that will always be out of our reach and there is nothing wrong with being sad that you won't get them. The hardest part about this grief is all of the things we will never get.
Sending you hugs for your aching heart and thinking of you this week.
I understand where you are coming from! some days when I see any child that is the same age as my Sean would be, it hits me hard and I get so sad and upset about how he isn't here with me. It's natural and you shouldn't feel weak about it. Thinking of you!
Thank You Jen Many hugs to you too!
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