I want to hit the pause button. Maybe even the rewind button. The world just keeps spinning faster and faster and I'm just trying to hang on. These days hit and I feel like a ton of bricks is sitting on my shoulders. These days are fewer and far between but today it hurts. A part of me will forever be trapped on August 18th 2006! Today my heart is heavy and I'm not sure what brought it on or what cause the wave today to feel like I was falling apart. I sat outside at work and just cried tonight. In not even sure where this blog is even going just felt like I need to get it out. I just want to scream for everything to slow down. I want to scream her name! I want to have one more moment to kiss her, hold her. I want one more moment, one more picture, one more ... I don't know I just want more. Today I feel cheated!
I am so sorry that you are having a day where the waves are threatening to drag you out to sea. I really hate it when these days come. I think part of what makes them so hard is the fact that there is no way to see them coming. They blind side you like a mac truck hitting you at full speed. They come out of no where and stay until they have had their fill and are ready to leave. We are completely powerless against them. That's the feeling I hate. I hate when the grief controls me.
I hope you know that I am always here any time you need me. I hope that this wave passes soon.
No matter how many years go by, we all have those days where we want to scream from the rooftops about what we lost - at least I know I do. No, it's not very often, but those days come, and then they go. They're like waves...coming and going.
Yes - time flies - we age, our living babies grow, we get further and further from the day we lost our angel. Time is an incredibly mysterious thing.
Hugs to you,
Oh Samantha. I'm so sorry that you're in a rough patch. It is so unfair that you don't get one more of everything with your sweet Trinity. I can't even imagine the pain you're suffering. I don't pretend to understand. Just know that we're here, listening, caring, loving you as you fight this tsunami of sadness, grief.
So much love coming your way,
I'm sorry. :( I don't have many words, just know that I am thinking about you.
Wish I was there to give you a hug. These days are the worse when they sneak up on you and take hold. I've been having the want more feeling lately too. =(
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