MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Samarella's Journal

questions

So I guess its normal as Trinitys Bday appoached that i find myself again questioning my pregnancy and questioning why my daughter was choosen to not be here with us today. We recently started going to church. we have been going for about six months. Today our pastor was preaching a verse in the bible about "come, see" he said that more people will listen as we serve our god and share his love with others by showing people what our god has done for us. A few people stepped up and said how God has impacted their lives. Deep down I wanted to stand up and yell GOD TOOK MY DAUGHTER, but instead I sat there and sobbed quietly. Its hard for me to understand why we were choosen to face this journey and what was God thinking when he thought I could handle this. I know I will never have answers to these questions. I know that I am just angry and I know I do not blame God. I just wish I could talk to him and find out what his plans are for me, for my family. As the day has come to an end I have to stop for a moment and Share what God has done for me. I have an amazing son who is my reason for breathing, I have an amazing husband. We have been through so much together. He is my heart and I know that he is my soul mate. I have the most amazing family and friends. I have SHARE and you all to give me strength, love, and support. You all love me on my hardest days when I want to hate myself. I am thankful that when I have days like today that I have someplace to go and spill my thoughts and know that one, im not alone and two, no matter what I say I will not be judged. I heard a quote a few weeks back and some of you have seen it on my facebook, but it seems to fit "God, since I cant sit my daughter on my knee and tell her about you, will you please place her on your knee and tell her about me"

  • What a great quote!!  So fitting.....

    The message that your pastor preached is very true even though you were wanting to scream out.  Even though you didn't ask for life without Trinity, He has helped you go through these 5 years and breathe without having to remind yourself like those first days.  He's also led you to Share so that you could Share your story and help others in the same situation.  I have to believe that God is using me to help others.

    Hugs to you!

    Tracy

  • I really like the quote you added in your post.  I so believe that someone is taking care of my son up above until it's my turn to take over.  I hope whomever it is tells him all about us down here and how much we wanted him, miss him, and grieve for him.  If I can save anyone from this daily pain I feel, it is so worth it to share his story.

    Reading your entries has certainly helped me.  I don't want to know how much deeper of a depression I would've been in if I hadn't found SHARE.

    Wishing you peace as the memories and dates approach,

    Lindsay

  • Oh Samantha, that is a very nice quote, it made me cried....... oh yes, that feeling, what I hated most, is when people told me or I heard people tell others when they are suffering, pray to God, and you will have your answer, a miracles will  happen if you have Faith...... I think  I am a Believer, but in that time, when my angel passed away,  I had a single thought going over my head: Didn't I prayed enough?? Maybe I am not a believer or have no faith and God punished me..... where was my miracle???  now I came to peace with that, I have found, as you said all the blessings in my life, and I am more grateful for all of them....... I attend Church (sometimes) but I think my relationship with God is more personal, and sometimes people at church bother me with their comments, but then I think they have not been in my shoes, or any angel mom shoes, so they don't know what they are talking about, Faith. As Lindsay said, and I have discover, nothing heels better a broken heart that helping others.

    Thinking of you in these days

    big hug

    Lorena

  • I absolutely love the quote. I have seen you use it before. It actually give me chills. Oh how I wish it could be the other way around though.

    Love ya sis.

    ps...it was nice talking to you today. you are just so crafty ;-)