Samarella's Journal

rough day!

  • Keep taking care of you!  That's the ONLY way to get through the loss of a child.  I also don't like to ask why me or compare myself to other mommies-to-be, but sometimes it can't be helped.  I feel like less of a monster if I write it in a journal instead of saying it out loud.  They are normal feelings.  Embrace them, get them out, write them out, blog them them out in the gym...whatever it takes.  I also hate it when people say that things happen for a reason.  My first response is what did I EVER do to deserve the loss of a child!  After 14 months since my daughter's birth and death, I can look back and see many opportunities that I was given that I couldn't have taken advantage of with a baby.  I would have traded EVERY single one to have her here with me, but it makes me feel like there must be some bigger plan.  I've never really been religious or thought about faith, so it was kind of hard for me to accept this.

    I did the same thing you did.  I started working out and eating right figuring that if I made myself as strong and healthy as possible, I would be able to carry and protect another baby during pregnancy.  It hasn't worked out so far, but I'm trying to relax about it and hope for the best.  Keep doing what you're doing and your life will continue to get better because of the gift of Trinity!  She touched your heart even though she never got to know you on the outside and she'll continue to guide you to make the best choices.

    Stay strong!


  • I agree, it is hard to see and hear of other people who did not take care of themselves during pregnancy....and everything turned out okay.  I think it is easy and normal to question these things....yet there often aren't any answers.


  • Oh my, I can only imagine how hard it was to sit there and listen to the story of that baby...I'm so sorry you had to go through that.



  • I agree, it is hard to see other women pregnant and holding healthy babies. I to often stop and think that should be me.  It will be 13 months that my daughter Jordan was born and died.  I think of her everyday. I did everything that I was supposed to do.  I ate healthy, exercised drank a ton of water and still the end result was not good.  When I went back to work I threw myself into it.  Stay strong and things will work out.