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Yesterday 10 minutes after  I left the hospital, Grandpa Lou gained his angel wings.  Losing someone you love brings back so many emotions.  Maybe its because he was vital in the arrangements made for our baby girl.  Maybe all deaths leave me feeling raw and vulnerable.  I know what death brings... grief and often times guilt.  The should haves, would have, could haves.    I am kicking myself because I choose to leave the hospital when I did yesterday.   I should have stayed.  I should have been there so he wasn't alone.  The nurses and Chaplin tried to explain that sometime people wait till everyone leaves to finally let go.  But its still hard to know I was just there and I left....  There are many things to do now.  I helped write his obituary, preceded in death "by his great-granddaughter Trinity"  never something parents want to include in an obituary.  I hope that Trinity was there to hold his hand.  I hope he know how much we appreciate all he did for our daughter.  I hope he know how much we love him and that we miss him already.  He was 83, a kind whole hearted man who loved helping people and spent many years working for a funeral home helping people get through the hardest days of their life.  Today we plan his funeral.  Luckily for us he was a very detailed person and pretty much planned it himself.  But today we make the step to honor this amazingly sweet man.   I like to believe that he is with Grandma Pat, enjoying my baby girl, and tell her how much we love and miss her.   Please continue to pray for our family, maybe an extra special prayer for my MIL who is struggling so much.   

Thank you to those who have been praying and sent messages and checked in on us.  You have no clue how much we all appreciate it!  

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Hugs and Love,

Samantha