Strong?Often times when I share our families journey I am told how strong I am. Many people will say things like "I can't imagine, you are so strong".
Strong? Not the word I would use especially in the beginning. The words "basket case" seems to fit better.
When I lost my child nothing in the world made sense. The circle of life and how things are supposed to work was broken. I was left to pick up the pieces of our lives and try as I might put the piece of the puzzle back together. The scary part is the puzzle I once had, the dream of what it is supposed to look like is gone. So I try to put it back together not know what the finally picture will look like.
My views on life change and friend I once had, they move on. My family struggled as I struggled to make sense of it all. They loved me but they can't fix this. Its uncomfortable for then to be around me sometime.
People tell me how awesome it is that I volunteer my time with March Of Dime. Yes, great! but deep down I do it for selfish reason. I do it because it gives her life a purpose and legacy.
Strong? No! I am merely surviving. I am just trying to put the pieces of this unknown puzzle back together. Trying to make sense of a world that makes no sense sometimes.
It's a strange word strong. And I think it's hard to own. If getting up every morning and trying to put the pieces of this unknown puzzle back together... and making sense of a word that makes no sense doesn't take strength... then I'm not sure what does.
I've always wondered too about being strong...basket case would also have accurately described me after Scott passed...I think we become strong because we realize that's the only choice we have...I have described my life as a puzzle so many times and how I've just tried putting it back together the best way I could. sometimes I wonder is it good enough...hugs to you friend! =)
I do wonder sometimes how I got through it all in those early days, as I'm sure we all do. But we did - somehow - one minute, hour, day at a time. We leaned on those who were there for us when we needed to. We cried when we needed to. We blogged when we needed to. We got through it. We are strong.
Hugs to you!
Love you girl... I scoff when people use strong to refer to me too. I just do what I do to get through. One more step forward and hopefully one day I won't take as many steps back. Hang in there. I am always here for you.
March of Dimes fights for the health of all moms and babies. We're advocating for policies to protect them. We're working to radically improve the health care they receive. We're pioneering research to find solutions. We're empowering families with the knowledge and tools to have healthier pregnancies. By uniting communities, we're building a brighter future for us all.
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