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I know this is not NICU or MOD related but for 8 years this has been my safe place and tonight I need a place where I feel safe...

Today with the help of Doctors we made the decision to enter Derek's grandfather into Hospice.  At this point his heart is getting weaker and his mind is slowly going.  He is sleeping a lot more and we were told in his condition we may have two weeks.  We were given a few other options but when you look at the condition he is in it would just be prolonging the inevitable.  It may buy us more time but the quality of his life is not much.   So Hospice seemed to be the best option for him.  

Choosing Hospice was not easy.  We know what this means.  It mean that in the very near future I will have to say goodbye.  He was moved to the Hospice Floor of the hospital.  In ICU we had amazing nurses and were hopeful that the same caring compassion would be taken as he transitions to the end of his life here on earth.  HOWEVER,  that is not how things went today.    We were not greeted by kind nurses who would help us navigate the road ahead of us.  Instead we were greeted by a nurse who made us feel like he along with the family were a burden to them.  He can not eat, drink, walk, use the restroom.  HECK he cant even press the nurse call button if he desired to.    I feel like things are not how they should be.   I always believed that Hospice was this beautiful thing that comes along to help you prepare for the end.   Watching my MIL come home looking completely defeated broke my heart.  I wanted to go straight up there and tell this nurse just what I thought of her and the way she treated my MIL.  No one wants this.  No one wants to say goodbye to someone they love.   No one wants to sit beside their loved one and watch as their soul slowly slips away.  In a perfect world everyone would pass peaceful in their sleep.  But it not a perfect world and today we saw a side of medical professionals that was not pretty nor compassionate.  My heart hurts today.  It hurt because I know this is the end of life for a man that helped so much during the hardest days of my life.  It hurts because I know this man deserves better.  It hurts because my MIL needed to be reassured that she was doing what was best and not be left to second guess her decision.   It hurts because her heart is hurting and I can fix this for her.  It hurts because after watching my FIL pass she shouldn't have to go through this again.  

I am trying my hardest to hold everyone to together.  Rearranging schedules, making sure everyone has dinner and is fed, making sure the kids are all taken care of (including my niece) baths, home work, clothes, and trying to keep basic stability.   

Please if you are the praying type please keep our family in your prayers as the next two weeks are going to be very difficult on our family as we travel down this road again.  

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Trinity:  Please grab a hold of your great grandpa's hand.  Let him know that he is not alone and that you and great grandma Pat are there to greet him when he is done fighting.  Remind him that we love him. Watch over him during the times that we can not be there.  Please keep watch over your grandma here on earth as she is struggling so much.