7 years ago today everything began to unravel. 7 years ago today is what has lead me here to SHARE!
Its hard to live with the feeling that my body has failed all three of my children. I feel like Trinity's life was stolen from me from my own body! I want to be
How did I get here. I remember the days after saying goodbye and never thought to far into the future. I continued to feel stuck on that day and now this is the future 7 years later. How/when did I get here? And it doesn't seem to matter today how much I *thought* I had accepted this life, accepted this new normal. Today I DO NOT WANT TO ACCEPT IT! I want one more hug, one more kiss. I want to know what color her eyes would have been. I want to know her personality, i want to know how she would interact with being sandwiched in between two brothers. I want her to dance through the living room showing off her new dress to her daddy! I want to see her excited about starting school on Monday. I want to step on barbies along with lego's. I honestly wish I could go to sleep and sleep through the next few days.
This weekend I will choose to have my pity party. I will grieve and miss my baby girl. I will try to remember those few moments I had with her. Monday I will put my big girl panties on and walk Jadon into school half-hearted. I will not let him see the pain of that day missing the fact I am not walking her in too.
I try not to let Jadon see me sad. I try not to let him see me fall apart. He is the one that has kept me whole. He was the reason I got out of bed in the morning when I hadn't wanted too. That a lot of pressure to put on a small child. But the has handled everything so well. He loves his sister and cant wait for the day that Jadon will help us explain to Jaxson that he too, has a sister in heaven.
Today my heart hurts! Tomorrow we celebrate her birth and passing. We celebrate what little time we had. My head is spinning... I miss her!
Thank you to all of you who have stood by me, guided me, loved me even when I didn't love myself. For the virtual hugs on bad days and celebrating the good days along with me. For loving all THREE of my babies! Thing a few ank you for always be key strokes away. For the real hugs at SHAREUNION! For those who have been the truest of friends to me THANK YOU!
The boys at the beach it was Jaxson's first trip!
The beautiful gift from Jami in honor of Trinity's birthday!
I'm keeping your sweet Trinity in my thoughts this weekend- and you as well. What a beautiful picture of the boys at the beach. I too wish they had their sister here on earth to play with... and that come Monday you would be holding two sweet hands on the way to school.
My thoughts and love are with ya mama,
What a sweet gift! I'm definately keeping you in my thoughts and prayers as you remember those precious moments.
I will be thinking of you and your Trinity this weekend. I wish you peace as her angelversary draws near and wishing you strength to get to the other side of these precious memories. Hugs to you Monday as you walk Jadon into school. Kisses to Jaxson as he learns more about his baby sister with time. Cute pic of the boys at the beach and really thoughtful gift of those sweet little toes:)
Sending you love,
thinking of you and your sweet angel trinity..it has been 19 months sinchte, and while it seeems like yesterday other days it seems like an eternity.. praing for confort for you in the ndays as you face the begining of another school year and trinity's birthday.
This journey is such a long and never ending one, having great friends to help support you it what makes it bearable. There is no doubt in my mind that having you as my friend has made my journey through these rough waters easier.
I can't hear all about Jadon's first day of school. I just know that as he gets older he is going to grown into the most amazing young man. You are such a great mother to all of your children. I
thinking of you, Sam, this weekend. i don't think we'll ever stop wondering what our lives would be like with our angels -- and our earthly kids as well. hugs to you.
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