Share Your Story

Ohh I can not believe it has been so long since I sat down to type out a blog. So much has happened since August. This is one of two blogs I want to post tonight.  

Kids:

Jadon- Oh my funny, mouthy, crazy wild teenage.    Jadon started high school.  He is no longer the little 34 weeker that entered our lives barely breathing.   Its hard to believe this little guy whose start to life that was so rocky is officially a High School student.  The year started out rough.  By first quarter midterms he had a 7% and 13% in two of his classes.  he has always struggled with school but this to me was just lack of effort on his part.  after much talking and explaining the important of grade and how this will effect his college plan he slowly started to make improvement.  By the end of his first grading period he had made up most of his work and manage to pull off b's and c's that first grading period.  He made some more improvements in the 2nd grading period.  In December we made the decision to take Jadon off of his ADHD medication.  The side effects to the meds got to be to much.  He was eating very little.  His weight ratio was trending down and he wasn't sleeping at night most night.  Plus the meds were not controlling many of his ADHD symptoms as they had in the past.  We chose to stop the medication and not change them because of issues changing his meds in the past.  Choosing to stop the meds he was on has been the best decision we could have made for our family.  Jadon has thrived academically.   He currently is three day away from end of his first year of high school and will finish the year off with A/B Honor Roll and an over 3.0 GPA, he has more than enough credits to be promoted to 10th grade and even has met some of his graduation requirements this first year (Like completing an online class, and some testing needed).  Some days are still rough.  He is still very impulsive and has had a few bumps with a few teacher and we are working on him acknowledging when he is being impulsive and a little wild and working on trick to help bring him back down.   For instance the class after lunch was one he has been struggling to gain his composure in.  Being at lunch with his friends it had to bring it down a few notches and get back on task with school work.  So we are working on him walking away from his friends the last 10 minutes of lunch to get his mind in the right place to be prepared for class.  We are working on him taking responsibility of his grade, keeping track of his assignments and attending office hours when he needs them.     We are also working on acknowledging when he needs to tone it down at home.  Our current bump in the road is his mouth and I'm sure that has more to do with him being a teenage, than him being ADHD.  Don't get me wrong it has not been all sunshine and rainbows.  There have been bumps that we have had to work through and still are working through them.  Over all I am so proud of the work he is doing in school.  I am proud that he has stepped up to the plate when it come to his grades.  There was a time I never though he would graduate.  He has always struggled and hated school.  I figured the moment he could he would walk away.  He actually has goals and even started talking about colleges he would like to attend.  Most of them are technical colleges of some kind.  

Trinity-  August should have been Trinity's 12th Birthday.  There are days that I just miss her.  How I wish things were different.  I still struggle when my friend post photos of father daughter dances.  I struggle with all the mom and daughters homecoming and prom dress shopping.  I know that I will miss out on all that.  I think that as the years pass the missed memories are the hardest.  All the memories that I will miss making with my daughter.  The grief does not consume my life like it once had.  Some days I can go about my life and she does not cross my mind.  Other days its a song, post, photo, commercial that will trigger a memory and a feeling that takes me back.  Some days she is the first thing I think about when I wake up or the last thing I think about when I go to bed.  But that intense grief from those early years do no cripple me in those moment.  I honestly never though I would get to the point in my life where I could say that.  The memories of her early arrival and passing are foggier now.  I struggle to remember each and every detail that I use to scrutinize.  My boys will mention her often.   Jaxson has a little girl in his class named Trinity and sometimes when he is telling a story it will take my breath away.  She will always be a major part of my life.  I will not ever be the person I was before her.  Nor do I ever want to be that person again. She opened my eyes in a way that make me a better person.  

Jaxson-  Oh my sweet, kind hearted Rainbow baby.   Jadon was always my wild boy and I don't think I was able to ever have a grip on him.  But with Jaxson I was hold on to every second, minute of his little self as long as I could.  I do no know if it has to do with the fact he will be my last little one or if it because he is a rainbow baby that we almost lost twice. Jaxson, my sweet 4lb preemie, started Kindergarten and I knew that letting go of him was going to be one of the hardest things I would ever do.  I knew that I had to break the co-dependency we had.   Watching him go off to a world that I was not a part of.  A world where I had to sit on the sidelines and watch as this sweet, kind, amazing kindergarten teacher became such and important person to him.  I have been blessed with a teach that loved my boy as her own.  Oh how he has grown this year.  He is reading at almost a 2nd grade level.  He loves to read and loves math.  He has the kindest soul and so many of the teachers that interact with him through out the year have stopped me to tell me how sweet he is.  I have even had parent stop us to tell us how kind Jaxson has been to their child.  He finish his very last year in T-ball a few weeks ago and developed that nick name Action Jaxson.  He has become quite the little ball player.  Sitting on the sidelines this year and watching my sweet boy bloom and been the hardest yet rewarding thing ever. 

Life

We bought our first home in August and it has been a world-wind experience.  I mean if you had told me 12 years ago we would be here I would have told you that your crazy.  Our world fell apart when we lost Trinity.  There were so many bumps in the road, and heck there were even some unexpected detours I could have never seen coming.  But we are still surviving.  Still traveling this road and working hard to continue to improve our lives and the lives of our boys.  Hubby is staying busy with his business and I can't believe the blessing that have come since he decided to start his own company, such a scary moment of unknowing has turned into one of the best decisions.  I am no longer working a job outside the home and just do the books for him.  The boys keep me on my toes and there is never a dull moment.  Life just keeps moving.  Often I look around and just wish I could push the pause button.  Slow things down a bit, slow them growing up.  

I'm Sure this blog feels a little unorganized or scatted.  I have all these post in my head that I wanted to share and the moment I start typing everything feels like it flows out in one long run on sentence.