Yesterday was one of those days. Everything just went wrong I just couldn't seem to do anything right and my mood was like if anyone said anything out of place I was going to chew there head off with words. Yep and I couldn't even tell you what put me like that. I was angry, sad and just wanted to cry. yep even me after all these years after losing my boys I still have those types of days, very rarely but they still appear. But most days are good for me now but that grief demon does show its ugly head every now and again. If I was asked to explain why, hmm I don't think I could even tell you what trigged it. It just blew in, I blew up said what had to be said, went to bed that night and today is better. This is part of my "new normal" that I deal with not every day just every now and again. So yep even after all these years grief can floor you, for no real reason more like a world wind. I've found over the years especially at the beginning when the grief was like been forced onto a rollercoaster that I couldn't get off or felt like I was stuck in a dark hole and could see the light but didn't know whether I could reach it. I've been there twice and after a long time of working on it I started using the method if everything in the world got too overwhelming I tried to just achieve a positive step forward was a good thing Even as simple as getting out of bed, getting dressed and facing the world outside my room. This is something that took time but now life has moved on for me but I haven't forgot how it was and every now and again the grief demon still raises it ugly head. That's life as I know it and how it is I live it and remember it well. I have got through the super rough times and 90% of the time life is good but the 10% is around and does floor me every now and then. It happens suddenly and sometimes I don't even see it coming. So if you are going through this right now Don't despair it does get easier and you learn to live with this is how it is. You will get through this I did and hey I never thought I could but I did If I can do this so can you We are the Angel Moms Army and We are strong, We will Survive and We will learn to Move forward We will learn to live our lives as the "New Normal" and We do and Are without a Choice. Because this is how our lives are Now with the biggest wish We could change it and this wasn't the way but this is how it is :(
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