I guess I really am a horrible angel parent. I mean my angel boys passed so long ago and I haven't been to either of there resting places for years.
When I say years I mean Sean's and Shane's graves geez it would be nearly 23yrs since I've been there to visit.
I don't live in the city of Melbourne where there resting places are, Haven't lived there for a very long time now but I go there sometimes to visit family.
I just never go there. A piece of me saids I should, but I don't, I cant really explain why but I don't want too.
just the thought makes me uncomfortable going to there graves maybe because I'm afraid it could or would bring back all those memories that I don't want to relive.
I know I should but I cant bring myself to go to the cemeteries
I really am a terrible and horrible person :(
You are not a terrible person. A lot of people have a lot of different feelings about cemeteries in general. Personally, I have always thought of them as peaceful places. Sometimes people visit graves and elaborately decorate them because it makes them feel better, gives them a purpose. Other times, you could live in the same city as your baby's grave but only get to it twice a year , like I do. Sometimes I feel guilty about it, but honestly being there is not what makes me feel close to her, its not how I keep her memory alive. I remember her in the change of the seasons, in my new outlook on life. I remember her when I donate my time and my heart to those who need it. I remember her by living my life and being a good person. If going to the cemetery doesn't make you feel better or help you, then don't do it. And try not to be so hard on yourself.
Love and Hugs
I don't think you're a terrible Mom. Not visiting their resting place does not equal that at all. You find your own way to live with a very big part of your heart not with you. No one here at Share will judge you for the path you take. Wishing you peace.
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