After I lost my two boys due to premature births with complications . All I wanted to do was try again, I wanted to be a mum so bad. I was so scared that after losing two I could or may lose the next one. I wanted to try but I kept putting it off. I could feel it was right, my doctor gave me the a ok but my head keep saying no just wait. I didnt want to but I did. I think it was more fear than anything. It was horrible everyone I knew was having or had kids, everywhere I went there were babies It was very overwhelming I was in my 20s then wanting to have a family but I was so petrified to try again. The pain for me losing my 2 boys was so bad in my head I wanted too try again but I didnt want too. I didnt want to go through losing a child again I went down that dark hole and managed to crawl out and there was no way I ever wanted to go back there again. So I stopped even thinking about having children. I thought maybe I could adopt or foster but its not quite the same but it was an option. Then I made myself move on Gota job and got into work. I also got a horse just so I could ride to anywhere. All of this keep me really busy. Two years later in 1992, things were good I guess and then I got unwell. I was sick, I couldnt get out of bed, I was exhausted, vomiting I just couldnt get out of bed. I thought Id caught a stomach bug so I dragged myself to the doctors. He did a number of blood tests one been a pregnancy test and yep I was pregnant. I was happy but I was so scared I mean really scared. First part of the pregnancy was good I was feeling ok but I did have morning sickness. I had to quit me job:( I had fortnightly ultrasounds after I reached 16 weeks I was still really nervous though If I got a pain Id get all worried. At 20 weeks I had a car accident I got rear ended my car did a 360 in the middle of the road and I ended up facing the opposite direction. We were lucky we werent really hurt just a few bruises from the seatbelt and I had a cut from pieces of glass from the back window hit me on the back of the head but all good. At about 24 weeks I did get pains I went straight to the Mercy Hospital in East Melbourne They said my cervix had shortened They put me onto a week strict bed rest Yep that was boring Later on I was about 26 weeks I got pains again this time worse so back to hospital again. I was not in labour but they gave me Pethidine to relax me and because of my history the admitted me to hospital They keep me there for 8 weeks I had a few more labour scares, they gave me steroid shots as they knew I wouldnt probably make it to full term. They sent me home on the 31st of March Im sure they sent me home before April fools day due to I was very well known for playing pranks & laughing at a joke or too On the 6th April 1993 at 7.30am I woke with terrible chest pain Dad rushed me to hospital I was checked straight away I had Mastitis which is something you usually get after you have the baby but no I did it the wrong way round. They asked if I had any other pains this as about 9.30am I said no but they checked me anyway I was in labour I was only 35 weeks Apparently I was 5cm dilated I had no pain They admitted me to the labour ward and 11.20am on the 6th of April 1993 I had a little girl weighing 3lb 140z (1250g). She had to stay in special care nursery until the 8th May but she was going to be fine. Right through this pregnancy and also with my next one I was scared even to push to poop. Id almost panic if I got a pain But in the long run even though I was really scared, I did what felt like a jail sentence in hospital 8 weeks with weekend leave I was very blessed to have a preemie daughter Stephanie Lisa-Kate. I made lots of friends during my stay in hospital we did have some laughs but we all shed a lot of tears too Spending that much time in a womens hospital I saw so many miracles happen and some really sad times that I could so relate too It was hard while staying there but I also made some good friends with others that were staying there as well, and with doctors and nurses that we saw everyday while we were all there they were fantastic, so supportive and it wasnt that bad staying there I guess On the 8th May I was allowed to take steph home This time I was one of the lucky ones. I always thought Id never have children after losing my boys but I took the riskiest chance I could ever take. With the chances it could have all gone wrong but I felt I had to take that chance as I really wanted to have a last one child and it was a chance worth taking even though I knew the pregnancy as very high risk. So never say never You could be blessed with your own beautiful child