Last night laying in bed I was thinking about Shanes funeral That was 1990 but there is still one part of it that just makes me cringe. Not complaining the service was nice Not too long and the funeral director was very nice with his wording
The memory that sticks in my mind was when we were at the cemetery Nothing went wrong or anything like that I just have this vivid memory of the part where they lower the coffin It wasnt that part exactly of the service that haunts me It was the 2 young guys whos job it was to lower the coffin.
One in particular he must of been maybe his early 20s was so emotionally affected by this day. He was ok at first until they started to lower it and he started shaking. I watched as he became overwhelmed and tears just started to roll down his face. He was not handling this at all I always wondered whether this was his first childs funeral. He was almost hysterical with tears and wasnt dealing with this at all well.
I wasnt the only one who noticed myself, parents and friends all noticed how upset this young guy was.
I tried to find him after the service just to see if he was ok and tell him its ok not to be ok but he and the other guy just disappeared.
Its been 29yrs and I have always wondered if he was ok after that day.
So when you go through a trauma in your life like losing your child Its ok to feel these overwhelming emotions of grief you will experience Im sad to say this is part of the roller coaster you will ride for a while. But thats ok as thats normal.
Always remember too that if you delivered your baby early and whether that child lived or not This is so not your fault its just something that has happened that you had no control over. You will probably ask why? and sometimes you may get answers but sometimes you wont If you dont get the answers you want I myself have come to the conclusion that somethings youll just never know why.
So Im thinking of you all dealing with grief, and sending you all a huge amount of support. In time it becomes a little easier to cope with in a bitter sweet type of way Your life will go back to "normal" but its a different type of "normal the new normal"
And remember too this is important you can still be happy and you know what Its ok not be ok about what happened on those days
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