I am literally and figuratively throwing in the towel, waving the white flag of defeat, tapping out, whatever metaphor makes sense, that's what I'm doing. My 8 year old has pushed me over the edge of sanity and I'm not sure I can climb back up. I would rather just stay here, have a few cocktails and call in to parenting for the next 10 years.
Maybe puberty/angst/tween drama etc is starting early. Maybe she is angry her dad is away and she resents me for it. Maybe I really just suck at parenting and she is telling me in no uncertain terms, that I should just give up and be done with it. I should probably just let her lay in bed instead of getting ready for school, let her go without brushing her teeth or combing her hair, not make sure she does her projects or homework and just see how well she can do on her own.
Raising a girl with ADHD should come with some sort of handbook, map, flight plan, something. I literally can't handle it. I'm super logical, neat and orderly to a fault. So much so that a disorganized house actually causes me anxiety. I think that needing control is likely my fatal flaw, and I'm the complete polar opposite of my daughter. So much so that we cannot communicate without infuriating each other. Her brain is all over the place, and she is ridiculously over emotional, hypersensitive and emotionally invested in objects and tv shows. I am practical, logical and can't stand clutter. If its broken, it goes in the trash, I do not have any feelings about this fact, its simply the way it is. I cannot correct her behavior right now. If I point out that her hair has too much detangler, I get this response, " I know, I'm the worst, you just hate me !!!!" After two days straight of nonsense like this I literally can't take it anymore. The yelling and snarky rude comments persist so eventually I have had enough, I start with the punishments, Ipad gone, kindle gone, no TV- extensive room cleaning will take place this afternoon and an apology better come about at some point. No amount of punishment is taking away her anger or her nastiness.
I think I need to just accept the fact that the child hates me and give up. I'm not sure what crimes I have committed other than simply being her mom, but in her mind whatever I have done is the worst. The newest statement and her favorite- " this is what I don't like about you..........."
If you need me, I will be banging my head against the wall, until I pass out and forget that I'm a parent of an 8 year old girl with ADHD, who has anger issues, who wants her dad to come home, whom I can't please or fix. Oh and add the extra guilt that I'm complaining about a living breathing child who is capable of being a brat and talking back when I know others won't ever get that.
Today is not a good day to be a mom.
Kids know how to hurt us and those comments and attitude can definitely sting. Let 'em roll off your back and throw in some humor to mix up the sarcasm and hurtful remarks. She's looking for a reaction, but stay calm. Say something completely unexpected or nothing at all. She'll catch onto the cold shoulder if you throw her one. I know she's experiencing a lot, but so are you. You're the mom, the adult, the one in control. For the ADHD part, is she having trouble completing morning to-do's without prompts? I know she's otherwise typical, but maybe she might need a little checklist or a picture schedule and then she can earn one of those items back when she does X? Believe me, I understand. I'm dealing with some different things here, but I can understand the frustration when you just want them to do and within a reasonable amount of time.
OMG, one of my kids had a friend over yesterday. The kids had snack like pretzels and 7Up. About 15 minutes later, the friend shakes his ice cup to signal that it was empty, looks over at me and says, "I'm outta 7Up over here." Nice. I just stared about to shoot flames out of my eyes and said,"And?" Kid didn't know what to do and sort of mumbled something like he wanted more. I told him he had enough soda and offered water instead. He turned his nose up at that and opted to go home early. D was a bit worried, but I told him that this isn't a soda fountain and that he could explain to friend that soda is a treat here and we don't go nutz. Besides, it was planned to be just a 2-3 hour play date and I thought one snack was enough. Friend has been over several times and one time, he showed up with a drink. Well, maybe next time he'll just plan on BYOB. Geez . . .
Ohh we should write a book when we survive this. I get this Jadon is 12 very ADHD and I feel like its a constant battle ever. single. day. Some days I feel like I'm losing it as a parent. I lay in bed and question every single decision Ive made as a parent. Know you are not alone and you are an amazing mother who only has her best interest at heart even on days like today!
Just sending a big ol' hug. I too am a very neat and organized person and being home all day and seeing my house turn into a cluttered mess by the others that live her drives me insane too and cause me great anxiety. I mean how hard is it to put things away!!!! I know your pain in that aspect. My mother has told me that when I was a tween she loved me but hated me...Nicki
Oh, how I feel what you are experiencing. My 8 year old daughter does not have ADHD but she acts in the very same ways: nasty, whiny, "everybody hates me," etc. So I can only imagine how much harder it is for you.
I agree with the others that kids are programmed to push buttons to get a reaction. With Kaelin, unless she is being disrespectful or nasty to her sister, I ignore her. Whatever drama she is throwing blows out quickly after she she stomps up to her room and slams the door. That being said, if she throws drama on a day that I am worn out, I have it out with her.
Hang in there. You are not alone in this.
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