Stillbirth mum

Am Abigael. My baby girl was born stillbirth on July 2019. Due to birth complications. I need a hand of encourage and advice to avoid it

4 Replies

  • In reply to Beenthere2:

    The reason I focused on future pregnancy in my post is because you asked for advice on avoiding another loss. I do want to add that grieving is a process. It takes time. And you will be happy again but you won’t forget your baby and nor should you. She will always be with you but the terrible pain you feel now- and for me it got worse before it got better- will ,over time , lessen and you can and will be happy. But don’t fear the process. As my friend told me- you need to feel in order to heal.
  • In reply to lvazquez:

    Hi Abigail. Given that you said your loss was in July I’m assuming my post is not too late since it definitely takes time to heal. Unfortunately, in June of 2004 I lost my third child, a son, at 39 weeks. Everything was fine less than 48 hours earlier at the doctor. 10 years later in May 2014 I lost a daughter at 34 weeks. Like my son, less than 48 hours earlier she was fine. No one can tell me why it happened or how. But here is the good news- I have SIX amazing, healthy, happy children too! Pregnancy after a loss is very hard - but when you are ready you can and will be able to get through. My second stillbirth came after two miscarriages. I had five beautiful daughters and she would have been my sixth. I was devastated and certain that since no one knew how to prevent it that I was not going to try again. But then I did and had a healthy gorgeous baby boy! He is three now and we love him. It was the hardest pregnancy of my life but I persevered. Every pregnancy is different. Your doctors will do everything in their power to prevent whatever went wrong. In my case - any baby after 2004 was delivered by 39 weeks. My last baby was delivered at 37 weeks. I had many sonograms and nst’s But what I learned as a religious person is that we have to do our best as humans but G-d is in control. Only when I worked that through and allowed myself to believe that whatever happened was not in my or my doctors control was I able to get through my last pregnancy. I knew I was doing everything I could to prevent another loss but the rest was up to Him. Before you get pregnant speak to high risk obgyn s to discuss your case and ask them how they would proceed in a future pregnancy. I did that, so I felt confident that I was doing the best I could during the pregnancy I ultimately had. I would also suggest that you let yourself grieve before you try again. In both of my stillbirths I waited nine or so months before becoming pregnant again. The first time was because my husband was taking a strong medication that had to leave his system. I was not happy at all about waiting but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I was in a much healthier place mentally when I did become pregnant. The second time around I was experienced so I knew to wait a little. There is no right way to do things though. I highly recommend the book Pregnancy After A Loss by Caroline Cirulli. It was a huge help
  • Hi , I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Know that you are not alone. We are here for you and will hold your hand through this. Sending lots of love to you and your family. Please keep us updated on how you are doing. We're here for you!
  • Welcome to Share Abigael. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl. There are no words that can take away the pain. I found this site over 10 years ago now after we lost our baby boy. He was born sleeping as well. This grief journey is tricky. I have learned to just let the feelings come and accept all of them. When I stumbled onto the Share site, I didn't know if it was reassuring or just plain sad that so many other women and families were experiencing such pain. This site is a safe space where you can get out all sorts of thoughts and feelings. Hold onto hope and know that you're never alone.

    Wishing you continued strength,

    Lindsay
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