Our miracale journey

Despite being told many times by many doctors that I may never have kids I found out I was pregnant in December 2018. I was so excited but I was spotting so to the emergency room I went. They did an ultrasound and didn't see anything so they told me it wasn't a viable pregnancy but to make an appointment with a obgyn. We did and they did ultra sounds every week for 2 weeks before they seen anything turns out I just found out extremely early. So we began to get excited but that didn't last very long. The first trimester I had horrible morning sickness had to eat every half hour or I was extremely sick. That eventually passed only to be in a ton of pain once I hit the second trimester she was sitting on my sciatic nerve and the tube that connects my bladder to my kidney so that had to be monitored. Then we hit the 3rd trimester and I thought ok smooth sailing boy was I wrong. I had started to have a horrible cough and become really sick at 33 weeks pregnant. I looked up my symptoms online and saw that it could be different symptoms of preeclampsia so I called my dr but he was booked up and I had an appointment at 34 weeks and when I talked to my mom she said i was just being paranoid. Well July 23rd I woke up in a puddle of liquid. Thinking I peed the bed I went to the bathroom to clean up and when I wiped there was blood so I drug my fiance and my 8 year old step daughter out of bed and off to the hospital we went. They ran a bunch of test and at 33 weeks 6 days my water broke. Do they sent me to the neighboring hospital that had a NICU. I want in active labor and was only dilated to a 1 so I was on antibiotics and had to.do the steroid shot and they were inducing labor at midnight when I hit 34 weeks. Well at midnight they decided that they were going to give me pills that thin out your cervix until I got dilated to a 4. Well at 245 they started pitocin so I went for a walk around the hospital every time I had a contraction her heart beat stopped so when I got back to the room they told me I was having an emergency c section. The whole time I could not stop shaking and kept thinking what did I do for this to happen. At 337 PM July 24th. My little girl September was born. Despite being so early and only weighing 3 pounds 12 ounces the only thing she needed was a feeding tube and incubator. Well I got discharged from my room after s few days and then stayed in the NICU on a couch. I couldn't leave her. We tried breast feeding but she had trouble latching so finally I said I'll pump give her s bottle. Well then I got an infection in my incision so I was In rough shape and ended up sleeping through some feedings and felt just horrible and like I was already failing as a mother and that's all I've ever wanted to be. Well now we've been here 3 long weeks and shes eating on her own no longer in a incubator and gaining weight. We were told she could come home Monday then Monday came and the dr decided she had to stay till Tuesday well when they weighed her over night she only gained 10 grams apparently that wasn't enough so they were going to weigh her again in the afternoon. When they did she lost 10 grams. I was so mad I cried and cried. I just couldn't understand why this is twice we've been told were gonna be able to go and now we can't. So they said we will see about Wednesday. When they just weighed her she gained 30 grams so I'm really not optimistic about them discharging her. And I know I should be thankful that she has no issues because it could have been a lot worse but I can't help it. I'm so frustrated and just want to bring my baby home. Wish they would stop getting my hopes up.