stillborn baby

Hi all. About one month ago I loss my baby boy at 36 + weeks as a stillborn. I replay the day in my mind everyday like its a movie. Saturday I was very tired but I knew I had to get things ready for my son since he's due date was coming. My husband said I was nesting. I packed our bag for the hospital and washed my son's clothes. In the middle of the night (Saturday into Sunday morning) something did not feel right like I did not feel my son move a lot like he normally would. Our daughter woke up around 7am Sunday morning which woke me and my husband up. I informed my husband something didn't feel right and we had a fetal doppler which we could not pick up the heart beat. I tried caffeine and something sugary to try to make my son move but I felt nothing. I contacted my OB and she told me immediately to come to the hospital. Once I got there the nurses put a monitor on me to try to check for his heartbeat and we heard nothing but they could not say anything to me till the doctor came. Once the doctor came and did the ultrasound she confirmed his heart stopped. I remember holding my husbands hand so tight and praying to God to let him be okay but instead I heard her words and I screamed. I broke down and I just did not know what to do. I had so many questions and mixed feelings. They explained to me I had to deliver my son vaginally. It was the most painful experience I had and continue to go through everyday. I held my son in my arms after I delivered him and did not want to leave him but we knew we had to bury him. 

2 Replies

  • In reply to lvazquez:

    Thanks Lindsay. I feel like this is something you never stop hurting. I took whatever I could from the hospital even a clipping of his hair, blankets, clothes and umbilical cord. I did not realize how common still births are. Since you have been thru it, how do you go day by day dealing with it? I really do appreciate your response back. I been trying to find people who have gone thru something similar. Some people just tell me they don't understand and don't worry you will have another one OR some people say well I have had a miscarriage too. I try to explain that its so different. When you hold your baby in your arms that was basically ready to come out and have to do a funeral the same week its just very unsettling.

  • I just read your post and wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your baby boy. I know how your heart is breaking and aching for him. We heard those same fateful words of " no heartbeat" a decade ago now. It still hits me like a ton of bricks when I really pause to remember that day. I too felt like something just wasn't right. I hadn't felt a lot of movement and when I arrived at the hospital, he was already in heaven. Hold onto your husband and your daughter. Lean on each other and let those tears full of love fall. He is your son, your baby, and always will be.

    Thinking of you and sending you all strength,