MARCH OF DIMES | MARCH FOR BABIES | NACERSANO

Jackson’s mom

Hello. My name is Erica and I joined this group because I recently gave birth to my sweet baby boy, Jackson on Tuesday 11/26 at 9:53pm. I was 29 weeks and 5 days. My water broke unexpectedly after having a healthy pregnancy. I went to the hospital and I was 3cm dilated. Within an hour I was 10cm dilated and was having extremely painful contractions. There was no time for an epidural or c-section as Jackson was breach and his right leg had already descended into my vagina for delivery. I had to deliver him naturally. A pain I will never forget. At first Jackson’s levels were ok but as the next two days passed his health declined. Ultimately at 3:30am on thanksgiving day (11/28), we were told that some of his organ functions were starting to decline and that we should go spend time with him. Jackson passed away peacefully in my arms around 6:00am on thanksgiving day. I feel like my entire world has been taken from me and am so lost. The emotional pain I feel is indescribable and I just don’t see how things will ever feel better. I’m so sorry to hear of all of your stories. I feel your pain and hate that you are going through this. I miss being pregnant and feel so guilty for ever complaining about anything pregnancy related. I would give anything for him to be back with me and be able to feel him kick again. I keep feeling like I did something to cause this and that I failed as a mother to protect him. My hope for joining this group is that we can all hopefully find some form of peace in knowing that we are not alone even though it feels like we are.

Epatterson26

4 Replies

  • Epatterson26

    In reply to Rivers Mom:

    Yes, we can do this! Please feel free to reach out to me anytime. I’m here for you and will be thinking of you and praying for you.
  • Rivers Mom

    In reply to Epatterson26:

    I am so sorry! My heart is breaking for you! I want to pretend I am still pregnant too. The way it was so quickly taken away and how quickly our baby boys were taken away left no time for adjustment. He was not ready and neither was I. It is so painful to know that he was doing good and just needed more time. I can't seem to keep it together. Like you mentioned, preterm labor never even crossed my mind as a possibility. I am struggling that I don't have answers as to why this happened. I hope you know that I am truly here for you. We can do this, I just haven't figured out how yet. You are in my prayers ❤️
  • Epatterson26

    In reply to Rivers Mom:

    River’s mom, thank you for reaching out. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss and that you are going through this. It’s something that never crossed my mind as I just assumed once you got out of the 1st trimester, your chances of a successful pregnancy were pretty good. I can totally relate to the orange juice. There are plenty of foods and drinks that you can’t have while pregnant that I struggle to eat and drink even now that I’m no longer pregnant. In some weird way, I feel like If I continue to act like I’m pregnant that it might bring my sweet baby back. While pregnant with Jackson I craved French fries and ketchup. I ate it for lunch today and literally felt sick to my stomach. I have no idea how people get through this as honestly it seems like each day that passes feels worse. Please know I’m here for you and that even though it doesn’t feel like it, we will get through it. We have too. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
  • Rivers Mom
    Jackson's mom, you are not alone. Your birth story sounds almost identical to mine as do the feelings you are having. I regret ever complaining during pregnancy and miss feeling my baby boy move around. I can't even drink orange juice because whenever I did it would make him so active and I miss it too much. I am so sorry you are going through this. My heart goes out to you. We lost our son the Sunday before Thanksgiving and I just don't know how people ever get through this deep sadness. I just want you to know I am thinking of you and that you are not alone.
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