My name is Holly. My husband and I have been married 10 years. We have two kiddos and a baby in heaven. Cannon is 6 and Hattie Kate is 3. This is Luke’s story.
I suffered PrePROM just shy of 17 weeks. It started November 4th 2018 with a couple strange gushes but chalked them up to discharge. I went to see the doctor available at our clinic that afternoon unable to shake the uneasy feeling that something wasn’t right. We were reassured that baby was still very active and I had plenty of fluid. No signs of leaking. He even told us that he’s was 90% sure it was a girl. We walked away relieved. We went home and had a normal evening with our littles.
I laid down on the couch after putting kids to bed for a while. When I stood up my water broke. My mom rushed over and we rushed to the hospital. We were turned away from labor and delivery because we weren’t 20 weeks so we went to the ER and had the worst experience possible. I was obviously leaking fluid but baby was still active and I seemed to have enough fluid. I was told that I was going to get an infection and miscarry. We were sent home with a work excuse for the next day and broken hearts. Upon walking in the door at home, my water ruptured completely.
My OB confirmed the next morning that there was no fluid around baby but that there was a strong heart beat. He put me on strict bedrest for two weeks to see which way things would go. The most likely would be that infection takes hold and I miscarry. He assured me that he would call me into Labor and Delivery if this was the case. He told us that if we went past the two weeks our story might be different.
Two weeks passed. This started the wait. Every week I went to see him. Every week I had no fluid but every week our sweet baby grew as expected and had a strong heartbeat. I saw a specialist at 21 weeks. She confirmed that our baby had all organs and everything on baby’s behalf was functioning. The fact that I was still pregnant was a complete miracle in itself.
We knew that the chances of taking our baby home were so, so very small. But every week brought no change. At 24 weeks we gained fluid! 25 weeks we had measurable fluid. Our hopes grew.
At 29 weeks, 13 weeks after rupture, my body quit and baby went into distress. I couldn’t sleep that night and knew something was wrong. We went in to LD find both baby and I were tachycardic. We met our son (surprise!) at 5pm via csection.
He was a miracle. He cried. He tried to breathe on his own. He fought so hard to stay with us and he did for 12 hours. Twelve precious hours. We got to love him and hold him as he passed. In spite our best efforts, the sacs within his lungs just hadn’t developed enough without amniotic fluid. His organs began to fail due to low O2 levels. Our sweet boy passed away at 5 am in our arms.
It is an experience that marks us. It’s changed completely how we live life. Our focuses are different. I struggle with PTSD. Just passing our Luke’s birthday in February, I am still learning what my triggers are. Anxiety is my main struggle. I struggled prior to our loss but it’s grown worse since.
I want Luke’s life to help others in some way. He was too little for us to donate organs as we’d wished. My hope is that sharing our story maybe helps some other mother or father to not feel so alone.
I had a groups of mommas with angel babies come forward to me after our loss. There are so many more of us than I ever knew. It’s a sucky club to have to join but I’ve met some truly inspiring, strong women through my experience.