I never thought it would be me...

Hello, my name is Kaitlyn and this is my story.

This was my first pregnancy and just like every first time mom I was excited and nervous to welcome my new bundle of joy into the world. My pregnancy was rough (Extreme morning sickness, back pain, and hip pain) but healthy up until 30weeks. I went in for a routine checkup and found that my blood pressure was elevated. They kept me for monitoring for 3 hours and then sent me home saying that they would see me in 2 weeks for another checkup. This puts me at 32 weeks, routine checkup once again and again my blood pressure was high so I was admitted and monitored. They decide because my blood pressure doesn’t decrease while being monitored to transfer me to a hospital with a NICU because I have now been diagnosed with preeclampsia. Once I’m transferred to the other hospital I’m hooked up to monitors and my blood pressure is checked every 15 minutes. This is around midnight or 1am, they send for an ultrasound the next day which is a Wednesday. The results come back from the ultrasound that baby is IUGR and I am then sent for another ultrasound to check the blood flow in the umbilical cord which comes back saying that the blood flow is restricted in part of the umbilical cord and this is the cause of the IUGR. I’m monitored some more and then sent home on Thursday with an appointment for Monday with the high risk OB/GYN. Throughout the weekend I notice a decrease in movement but baby is still moving or so I thought...Monday rolls around and I go in to the high risk doctor. They take my vitals and surprise my blood pressure is high again. I’m then sent for an ultrasound, while in the ultrasound I notice that the tech is going through it much quicker than other ultrasounds I had had previously. She leaves and says the doctor will be in shortly to discuss the results. When the doctor walks in the first thing I hear we’re the worst words I’ve ever heard anyone speak “I’m sorry there’s no heartbeat”. Once you get over the 12 week mark you never imagine to hear those words especially not at 33 weeks gestation. After I’ve calmed down enough to think properly she sends me to the hospital and I’m again admitted and hooked up to monitors. On June 23, 2020 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl weighing 2 pounds and 14 ounces. She may have been born silent but I want people to know her story. My husband and I had the opportunity to hold our daughter and kiss her forehead. She was baptized and then cremated. Her urn has now come home where she belongs. The doctors believe that my preeclampsia became so severe that it attacked the placenta and killed it, which then killed my sweet angel.

I have come to this forum for a community of people and possibly a friend that understands what I feel because unless you’ve gone through it you can’t understand the grief. I also hope to find research and educate people on stillbirths and what it means.