I lost a miracle

Hi everyone,

I'm Melissa, earlier this year I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby girl after they told me I wouldn't get pregnant. She was the best miracle and the easiest baby. At exactly 10 weeks old she suddenly stopped breathing while in my arms and they could unfortunately not save her. She was our first baby and since then I have been struggling with letting go. I feel depressed and just wish I could still have her here. They told us that she had a heart condition that isn't easily detectable, Cardiac Fibrosis. We want to try again but I am on chemo medication as I was diagnosed with CML at the age of 14 and have to drink my medication everyday. The Doctor initially told me that we have to wait 3-4 years after she is born to have another baby but in my heart I feel like that's too long. I don't want to replace her but I want a little joy in my life again. If there by any chance is someone who has the same experience please let me know. Thank you..