A piece of me is gone

My name is Vanessa and my husband's name is Anthony. We have been trying for a year to get pregnant with no luck, we started fertility tests and awaiting one more blood work then the IUI procedure(artificial insemination). While awaiting we got blessed with a positive pregnancy test, we couldn't believe it and was filled with happiness. I was high risk with high blood pressure and got checked on a lot during 1st couple weeks. I was thrilled with all the pregnancy books to write in and keep track of my progress, I was even tracking milestone on our calendar, October 30th 2020 would of been the "safe zone". I was so close, just so close to feel that my baby was safe and sound in my belly. October 2nd 2020 was the worst day of our lives, I was bleeding all day at work and thought it was normal because what everyone says or even online states that you have to be bleeding through pads/tampons every hour which I wasn't. I remember asking a coworker and she said thats not normal so I immediately texed my midwife and she said "I'd advise you to go to the ER". As I frantically left I thought to myself, "but why go to ER, im not cramping or heavily bleeding why make a big deal" because I thought Google was my guide to whats normal and not normal. My husband met me at ER and of course did all the tests, blood work, pelvis exam, and ultrasound although I was not allowed to see the baby on the screen, she let me use the restroom and I took a peak at our baby and it grew so fast in size since we first saw it. As we were waiting results for 6hours!, I was explaining to my husband how big our baby got, while I was speaking about our baby the doctor comes in and just shot down my dreams, hope, and love well it felt like that in the moment. I was 9weeks and got told our baby had no heart beat, I was in shock staring at him for the longest time thinking it was a dream. How can our baby have no heart beat when I didn't even get a chance to hear it. Those words "no heart beat" will stick with me forever, I cried and cried and cried till I went numb. The next few days were probably the hardest I've ever had to go through emotionally and physically and I don't wish any woman to go through this. From confirming our baby had no heart beat to the excruciating pain and to getting a D&C felt like a roller coaster of emotions I thought I could not handle. I am devastated and have hope to continue to meet my rainbow baby soon, but I had amazing support from my amazing husband and my family as well and it is what got me through that horrible week. I hope this story gives you hope and comfort to let you know you are not alone, we may be 1 in 4 but we will get through these tough times because we are more then just a number. I hope all our babies are running and playing all day with one another and know that they are loved and never forgotten

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