Hello and my story

I am not sure who all will read this, if anyone, but I do want to share my story, which really is just beginning.

I was pregnant with my first child.  The pregnancy was going normal from what I could tell.  I just hit 24 weeks and was on the phone with my obgyns office to discuss the ultrasound from the day before and how everything looked great.  I started putting on my shoes to go to the bathroom when I realized my foot was swollen. I made a comment to the doctors office and was told to go to the ER to check for blood clots as I flew the weekend prior. I honestly thought I would be lectured on how pregnant women get swollen ankles

I got the the ER for my OBGYN. My blood pressure was in the 200s.  I was rushed to labor and delivery who was not sure what to do with me.  A few hours later I was told that the hospital did not know how to deal with the issue and I was being sent via ambulance to another hospital - it was ironically closer to my work so it would have been easier to go to initially.

I was diagnosed with superimposed preeclampsia.  I was released to the high risk doctors.  I never did hear from my OBGYN or get the potential blood clot checked out.  I was told to start looking at pumps. Nicu came down to explain nicu visits to me.   I was told I was going to be hospitalized until my due date.  This meant I would miss all baby showers, creating a nursery, my birthday, Christmas, all other holidays, the new deck in my house being built, my work moving offices.  I did not want to deal with any of it and just kept trying to work, get a routine, and hope to go home.

Over the next few weeks, I did get a routine. I hated constant monitoring when an issue arose. I kept going outside to see my dog. I set goals for myself. I attended antepartem classes that did not relate to me.  I made friends with nurses.  I kept changing between long term stay and constant monitoring units.  I had some possessions thrown out when I moved rooms (and the hospital heard about it for a while).  I celebrated 2 showers virtually. I had a birthday. My husband spoiled me.    I still refused to think about what was happening with the baby. Nurses would comment about me still being pregnant and their surprise.

The day my sister threw me a beautiful last minute shower was the day everything started to go downhill. Baby was acting up on monitor. Blood pressure started elevating.  I went on highest doses of 3 meds plus magnesium.  I was congested. I felt awful. I cried to my husband how I wished it was over.  Three days later I was told that they were going to do a c-section. I was 29 weeks pregnant at that point. I am still glad it was not an emergency c section.  I was on high blood pressure protocol and low blood pressure protocol in the same day. However, when it was over, my baby was born at just over 2 lbs.

We are currently in week 7 of nicu stay. I am starting to get restless and worried. My emotions are everywhere. I have a therapist now. I am only wanting to talk to nicu parents or alumni because everyone else seems to ask a question or make a comment that gets me upset.  Covid is starting to get in the nicu though we have avoided it so far.  I am both ready to get out and wanting to stay there in fear that something is wrong with my daughter.

I was recently discharged from high risk clinic.  I am still on high blood pressure meds and will be following up with my primary care physician.   I was told if I get pregnant again there is a 40% this will happen again.  I always wanted 2 kids but now I do not want to do this ever again.  Also, I Still have not heard from my OBGYN since before this happened, despite reaching out.  

I hope writing this will make me feel better. I also hope to have more positive things to share soon.

1 Reply

  • Welcome to Share. Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. I'm glad to hear she's doing so well after such an early arrival. I'm sorry for all you've been through. I'm happy to hear you have a therapist. Be kind to yourself. You've been through a traumatic experience, and missed out on many milestones we dream of when we learn we're expecting. I found that writing and sharing our story helped me to heal from the birth of my twins at 25 weeks gestation and all they have endured since then. I hope you find healing here as well.

    Take care,