This is my story...

It was a Monday morning, ready for the day; I work at a Family Medicine clinic; we have residents on site, always eager to learn...

My plans for after work was to go do pilates; A BHC (behavioral health provider) provider teaches the class for free...Instead, one of the residents, Dr. O asked me if I would like to do an ultrasound after work; Of course I would love to see baby girl, I was excited, I couldn't wait until 5 pm. 

I clocked out, walked over to the OB department where the supervising doctor and residents waited... I walked into the room, laid down, they had the machine up and ready for me.

They asked me questions like : How far long are you? What are you having? What is her name? How many pregnancies is this? Do you plan on having anymore after this pregnancy? When was the last time you felt her move?

I'm laying there spacing out while they talk about fetal heart rate, measurements on baby and how to use the ultrasound probe. The residents took turns on using the fetal doppler on me.

One  of the residents was having trouble finding the fetal heart rate...The supervising doctor took over and asked me when was the last time I felt baby move.

Hmm...I was unsure; I stayed quiet.....I told them maybe 2 weeks or less; Also mentioned that I had a check-up with my OB provider on the 5th of April and that everything was great. 

So I'm laying there nervous, cold didn't know what to think and I can hear the supervising doctor talking but I wasn't paying attention to him...

Finally he puts down the ultrasound probe and looks at me and says, Liz we cannot find a fetal heart rate.

I didn't know what to say, I felt stuck, I just laid there.....I cried, I cried, I cried; They call the hospital to let them know I was on my way.....

Dr. O, the resident came along with me as a friend; to support me...I just kept thinking, crap what am I going to tell my husband and the kids....My phone was at 10%....

We get to the hospital to confirm on their ultrasound machine; They were right, no fetal heart rate. I was in tears, it felt unreal, I just couldn't believe it.

My OB provider was on call, she came in and talked about the next steps; to be induced or to have a C-section....how does a mother choose? It was HARD; no matter what I choose, it was going to be traumatizing. 

I finally called my husband to break the news; he cried. 

Followed up with my OB provider again to discuss the next step; We decided to get induced and have her vaginally. I was nervous. Never had to deliver my previous babies vaginally. They were all C-sections. 

We check in at the hospital on Friday afternoon; get taken to the room; they get the IV set up on me, laid in bed and waited for contractions to kick in..

Sunday morning, I woke up with a contraction....then I felt pressure, like if something just dropped. Nurses came in to check and sure enough baby Celicia was ready to come out.

The OB provider came running in; told me to push; and then baby Cel was out. The provider started crying; told me sorry for your loss...I remember hearing one of the nurses telling me that she will keep me in her heart...

We held her; she was so little and just beautiful. She was 1 lb. 9oz and 13.5 in long.

The hardest part was when we were getting discharged; To leave her, felt empty...

We planned to get baby Celicia cremated; we are still waiting for the funeral home to call us to pick her up...