Sids

It's a unrealistic thing they talk about non stop at the hospital then discharge you with this tiny Itty bitty life form your sent home with to keep alive. And then it happens. You wake up one day and the crib is clear. You try to wake up your little man to breast feed him like everyone tells you to.  Cause it helps defend against sids. But no one, no one actually talks about how devastating it is to find a baby dead. You try to wake your little man up with a breast full of milk for them. And they, they just won't respond. All chaos insues.  Screaming, breaking doors down, screaming mor, feeling your little man not breath and try desperately to preform CPR on their tiny little body.. My little man never had a chance. Even in his empty crib. Right by me. He passed in his sleep. Forgot to breath. Forgot to come back to mommy and daddy. It's been almost a year and our hearts still hurt. Rip Gabriel.  We miss you. 15 days wasn't enough.

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