Loss of my baby girl at three weeks

On the 18th of February 2020 i gave birth to a baby girl, she was fine all along , I did notice that she poops a lot but it's my first time as a mom so I thought it was normal.  I had to go back to school so I left her with my sister, on the 13th of March i got a call from my sister saying the baby us not okay, she took her to the clinic and they transferred them to the hospital. I had to come back home and meet them at the hospital, I stayed there for only 2 hours she had pipes and drips on her. I couldn't even hold my baby, she passed away i looked at her taking her last breath. Ever since my life is been hell i even thought of taking my own life but i wasn't successful. I have no reason to live i can't stop blaming myself i feel like I failed my daughter.  I don't know how to express my feelings i act like I'm Okay and i have accepted but deep inside me it hurts so bad. I joined because i want to share my story and listen to other people's stories, I'm trying to live again because ever since she passed away I'm only living because I'm breathing. It hurts so much I'm traumatized and broken i really need help

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