Sleeping beauty after being so active

My baby girl had a high-risk mother. Since day one we knew this would be a very difficult pregnancy. I went through a cervical cerclage, which was always the worry we had about it trying to break. I began contractions and having dilation on November 28th 2021. Her heart beat was always so strong each day while I stayed in the hospital on bed rest for 2 weeks. Two days later on November  30th the nurse couldn’t find a heartbeat. I immediately began to panic my fiancé and I. Before I knew it we were pissed and asked them to go get an ultrasound machine. The OB hospitalist confirmed that there was no fetal heart beat. This was at 22 weeks. I feel lost, I feel like it’s my fault. I feel like it was the doctors fault for not paying attention to me and my care enough. My baby girl was fine all the way up to them giving me tocolytics to slow my contractions. I kept telling the hospital that I had worried about having an infection a few days due to the color or my discharge. They never did anything about it. The cause of death my normal OBGYN states was due to infection of the placenta. The amniotic fluid was infected. I am so loss and in need of counseling extremely badly. Everytime I close my eyes I see her sweet little face she looked just like her father. Everytime I also close my eyes I see all the procedures happening all over again. My house hold is in shatters right now. My mom and fiancé are the only ones here for me. My mother in law lives out of town but so does my mom. Her and I even had a disagreement argument because I’m so hurt and feels like she should comfort me more than she does. I’m frustrating my fiancé due to my anger and sadness. No one understands, so I’m lost for words. I feel so only mentally. How will I ever come back from this. This was my second stillbirth. My first one was 8 years ago. I am so traumatized.

1 Reply

  • Hi Tori, I'm so sorry for the loss of your babies. I can't imagine the heartache you are experiencing. I'm also sorry you're not feeling supported. That must be incredibly challenging. I pray that in time you find the right support and you feel less alone in your grief journey.

    Take care,
    Karri
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