Lost my daughter and afraid to try again

Hello fellow angel Mommas,

My name is Val. I went into premature labor at 24 weeks 6 days. I had been really uncomfortable the night before and thought I needed to go to the bathroom.  Well the next day it was still bad so I called the doctor on call. She told me I probably just needed to have a BM but if it would make me feel better I could come in. My husband and I went in just to get checked out. They never actually checked me until I started bleeding (the doctor was in a c-section when I got to the hospital).  They gave me the steroid shots and  magnesium to stop the contractions. It didn’t work and I was 10cm just a couple hours later.  She was still breach so they did an emergency c-section. Our beautiful daughter, Charlie, was born on  April 14,2018 weighing 1lb 9.4oz and 12.21” long. She was intubated due to her lungs being underdeveloped, but the team said everything else looked good. She was doing great, but on her 4th day here she suddenly took a turn for the worse. Basically her heart gave out and they were not able to resuscitate her.  We had her for 4 days and then the Lord called her home. She is my first biological child and now I fear to try again.  After seeing a specialist we were told I have an incompitant cervix and that why I went into labor and displayed so quickly. I also have a bicornuate uterus.  The doctor said if we decide to try again I would have a cerclage and the shots. She gave us a 50-70% chance of making it to 36weeks. They would do a cesarean at 36 weeks due to the way they cut me inside during the emergency.

Just looking for some fellow Mommas to lean on and possibly some advice.  Thank you for taking the time to read this.



7 Replies

  • In reply to Alina0315:

    Hi Alina,

    Hugs and kisses to you. I hope you are doing well and thank you for sharing your story. As you continue to grieve ( and take as much time as you want), i hope you find peace some day. I hope you do get to enjoy motherhood in its full glory and remember you are a very special mom to a beautiful angel. I pray you will feel excited and happy if you decide to try again.
    I just wanted to send some encouraging words your way.
    Thanks and have a great day!
  • Hi Val,
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I had premature ruptured of the membrane at 18 weeks. She was my first child. I know it's so hurtful and I'm still grieving every day. They did'nt what happened to me so my OB said I also will have cervical cerclage next time. I'm scared to be pregnant again but I also want to be pregnant. I hope you're doing better. Time cannot heal the scratches but they will be our memories forever.
  • In reply to CharliesMomma:

    I am doing as well as I can. Everyday is a struggle but I am coping. How have you been? I hope all is well.
  • In reply to angelmom1109:

    Thank you for your encouraging words. I pray that future pregnancies, if we chose so, are healthy for us and our babies.

    How are you doing?

  • In reply to BeautifulBean:

    I apologize for just now getting to you. I haven't had the strength to log back on. Prayer is the only thing that helps so that is what I keep doing.

    I hope your are healing.

    XO, Val
  • Val, reading your story really touched home for me. I also have an incompetent cervix and my baby girl Cayden was born at 24 weeks 6 days and only lived 20 hours due to under developed lungs. I have my fears about trying again and the heartbreak of losing another child but I wanted to reach out to you because i don't want you to lose hope. I also have a 6 year old son and everything went perfectly fine with the pregnancy and delivery. Having an incompetent cervix might put more obstacles in the way but doesn't always mean it will always end in tragedy. Stay Positive and never lose hope!
  • Val,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I too had a loss on October 3, 2018 (my story is listed) at 26 weeks. Thus, I can understand the feeling. It is incredibly heartbreaking beyond words.

    How have you been? I know it’s hard to even think about trying again because it’s frightening. You don’t know what to expect, and/or if the same thing will happen again.

    It’s certainly a personal decision to make. But I pray for our rainbows