Just Lost My Baby Girl

My water broke prematurely at exactly 23 weeks pregnant earlier this month.  This was my first pregnancy for my husband and I and we were overjoyed to be welcoming a baby girl in June.  We just got married last year, we are both 36 so we decided not to wait to start our family since we want to have more then one.  We got pregnant right away and had been enjoying a very easy pregnancy in which everything was looking perfectly normal.  Until the day my water broke for no reason.  We rushed to the hospital where they confirmed the rupture.  I wasn't showing any signs of labor so we were hoping for an extended stay on bed rest at the hospital.  Unfortunately, four days later the baby started showing signs of distress from an infection and I had to have an emergency c-section.  Our little girl Gianna Marie survived in the NICU for three days before we had to take her off life support for a brain hemorrhage.  We got to hold her for the last hour of her life.   It was the best and worst hour of my life.  I got to hold my baby girl and comfort her for the first time, and it was amazing to see her without all of the wires and tubes, but I also had to watch her slip away into a sleep she would never wake up from.  I would never get to bring her home with me.  I would never get to see her open her eyes.  And now I am home, recovering from a c-section with no baby to fill my hours.  I am so sad and I don't know how I will ever not be sad again.  I want to get pregnant as soon as possible, but I am also terrified that this will happen again.  And I am afraid that I won't be able to connect with a new baby because I will still be longing for this one and afraid to lose another.  I am so confused by my own feelings.  I hate seeing the pity that people feel when they see me and my husband, but I also get angry when people don't acknowledge what has just happened.  I hope that this gets easier, and I just want to feel like myself again,  but I don't know how. 

5 Replies

  • In reply to Celine712:

    Sorry mummy..I lost my baby girl on July stillbirth. It was a painful moment through cs
  • In reply to Pams :

    I am sorry ladies for ur loss I too just lost my beautiful baby girl at 21 weeks.
  • What a beautiful name for an angel.
    I loss my baby girl Meg at 20 weeks. She is our first angel. Was feeling just like you. I was physically having allergies to pregnant women after that. I decided that I badly need to have a baby as I was feeling like all these feelings was driving me nuts. 2 months later I was pregnant. I never had an easy pregnancy. I was so anxious all through these 32 months that I had rashes all over my body. Same feeling like you, I badly wanted baby Meg that I didn't know how I'll feel. I give birth to my son Ryan at 32 weeks. He is my everything! He was so tiny that I didn't know how to hold him, only 1.5 kgs and 56 cm. He's now 12 and already 171 cm. As soon as he was able to understand, I told him about big sis Meg. At no time he is meant to replace Meg. When he was 8, I lost a baby boy Aiden at 22 weeks and this month I lost baby Boule dou at week 24.

    People tend to pity us as they don't know how to react. This is something that makes me angry.
    Only remedy is time. Pain will always be there but you'll learn how to live with.

    I want you to know that once you'll see your baby you will fall for him or her immediately. Your baby girl will always be your angel.

    We are special as we have angels.

    Big hugs
  • What a beautiful name for an angel.
    I loss my baby girl Meg at 20 weeks. She is our first angel. Was feeling just like you. I was physically having allergies to pregnant women after that. I decided that I badly need to have a baby as I was feeling like all these feelings was driving me nuts. 2 months later I was pregnant. I never had an easy pregnancy. I was so anxious all through these 32 months that I had rashes all over my body. Same feeling like you, I badly wanted baby Meg that I didn't know how I'll feel. I give birth to my son Ryan at 32 weeks. He is my everything! He was so tiny that I didn't know how to hold him, only 1.5 kgs and 56 cm. He's now 12 and already 171 cm. As soon as he was able to understand, I told him about big sis Meg. At no time he is meant to replace Meg. When he was 8, I lost a baby boy Aiden at 22 weeks and this month I lost baby Boule dou at week 24.

    People tend to pity us as they don't know how to react. This is something that makes me angry.
    Only remedy is time. Pain will always be there but you'll learn how to live with.

    I want you to know that once you'll see your baby you will fall for him or her immediately. Your baby girl will always be your angel.

    We are special as we have angels.

    Big hugs
  • What a beautiful name for an angel.
    I loss my baby girl Meg at 20 weeks. She is our first angel. Was feeling just like you. I was physically having allergies to pregnant women after that. I decided that I badly need to have a baby as I was feeling like all these feelings was driving me nuts. 2 months later I was pregnant. I never had an easy pregnancy. I was so anxious all through these 32 months that I had rashes all over my body. Same feeling like you, I badly wanted baby Meg that I didn't know how I'll feel. I give birth to my son Ryan at 32 weeks. He is my everything! He was so tiny that I didn't know how to hold him, only 1.5 kgs and 56 cm. He's now 12 and already 171 cm. As soon as he was able to understand, I told him about big sis Meg. At no time he is meant to replace Meg. When he was 8, I lost a baby boy Aiden at 22 weeks and this month I lost baby Boule dou at week 24.

    I want you to know that once you'll see your baby you will fall for him or her immediately. Your baby girl will always be your angel.

    We are special as we have angels.

    Big hugs
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