Trying to understand

Hello All! My name is Becca, and I find myself here just 11 days after I lost my son. I was 21 weeks pregnant with our 3rd. We have a 9 year old daughter and a 7 year old son. We found out we were pregnant with Bransen in Feb and couldn't be more excited. I had a miscarriage a few years ago, so once we made it past that 12 week mark we thought we were set. We went in for our 21 week ultrasound and as soon as it began the tech told me.. "I am so sorry." I knew that he was gone, but it took a few minutes to process. The Dr. came in and explained the process of induction and that we were going to have some decisions to make. We got to labor and delivery at noon, and Bransen was born at 11:58 pm May 10th. We were able to hold him and love on him till about 8 am the next day. We made sure to take a ton of pictures and show him as much love as possible. I have had my blood work done, the placenta tested, and genetic testing done already. Everything came back normal and there is no indication of anything like infection or genetic disorder. My Dr. explained that so many times stillbirths cannot be explained, but that doesn't stop me from questioning everything I did over the course of those 21 weeks. I am just confused and trying to find an answer I will never get. I am heartbroken that a place such as this exists, but in this moment so thankful to have found a place to be understood. 

 

Becca. 

1 Reply

  • I am so sorry to hear about the loss of baby Bransen. I, too, am a loss mom ... to twin boys 12 years ago at 22w5d. Even today, I question why. I don't think those questions will ever go away.

    Be kind to yourself and check in to let us know how you are. Many hugs to you.

    Erin
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