Numb

Tomorrow will be 2 weeks since I gave birth to my stillborn daughter of 35 weeks. Everyone keeps asking,  how are you... a question I've yet to figure out how to respond to . And God knows the im sorry for your loss:" as sincere as it is. It's really getting tiring hearing it so often. Im mentally unavailable atm and everyone being so caring is tryna reach out, and I just don't feel like communicating right now. Today my angel is being cremated and I've just been laying here, feeling number. Only 3 weeks ago I had my baby shower,  and one week later, im giving birth to my stillborn baby . How the heck is that even possible!!: I don't know how to handle this kinda grief, I cry , and then feel bad for times when I smile cuz it feels like it's too soon to smile and unfair to my little girl.. I just want her back so bad. I don't understand y or how this happened.  As if trying to have a kid after an ectopic wasn't hard enough. THIS IS JUST SO UNFAIR

2 Replies

  • It is unfair and you have every right to feel that way. Sorry for your loss has become one of my least favorite phrases that can ever be said. My son was born at 37 weeks and died a couple weeks later. It just plain sucks that we carried our babies to term and then the outcome is they die. It's okay to not want to talk, to protect your heart right now. Those first few weeks I was living my life minute to minute, then I worked up to hour by hour till I was living day by day. Be easy on yourself and give yourself time to breathe maybe find a close friend or family member who can get word out that you just don't want to hear the platitudes right now. Many hugs, Nicki
  • Hello,
    It is unfair. I'm not sure there is anything more unfair than losing a baby and then having to go on with life. Having to interact with other humans and be conscious of the fact that the world is still rotating, that people just keep going on about their lives even though your baby is gone. I lost my first daughter in February 2007. I remember the exact time frame when I was where you are, in your description. I was so angry. I felt like there was a tiny version of me, inside of me, and she was jumping up and down and screaming, crying, breaking things, telling people off and just losing her damn mind. Then there was the outer shell of me, who smiled and nodded and carried on. I am so sorry that you have to live through this, I truly am. Please know this is a safe place and we all get it.
    Sending you strength and peace,
    Brandi
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