My sweet angel Nova

10-19-2019 my soul left my body! She was our first baby for me and my boyfriend! I did everything I was suppose to do. I ate healthy, didn't smoke nor drink! I went in for a normal doctor check up and the doctor told me she didn't find a heartbeat! We did two other sonograms and it was the same result no heartbeat! I just cried non stop! I went to the labor and delivery hospital and they induced me that was on 10-17-2019 . I gave birth on the 19th! When I held my baby she was blue and lifeless all I could do was cry out her name NOOVVAAA! I just held her and stare at her! It hurt me to see her skin not intact because I had a stillborn! We took lots of pictures and all the nurses wrote me sympathy cards with a box of momentum's! I got to dress her up for the 1st and last time! She was so beautiful full of curly black hair,full eyebrows,round cheeks just perfect everything I wanted in my baby girl! She weighed 7lbs 12oz healthy baby! I was devastated before I could leave the hospital I had to planned for my daughter funeral! How do you go from having a baby shower and getting her room set up to planning a funeral? I did not want to leave my baby alone at the hospital! Me saying goodbye and being wheeled out in a wheelchair without my baby hurt my soul,I will never be the same! People say your young you can have another that just piss me off because I wanted her! I wish I could trade places with her! All i do is wake up and cry and cry myself to sleep! I don't know how anything can get better? People say keep your faith ,I try but then everything reminds me of her and my mind just go crazy! I came her for support I hope I can relate to someone else story because I feel so alone right now

4 Replies

  • In reply to jmelin4129:

    We are not alone . Just keep taking it day by day . Your support here, even though we are strangers, is amazing because we all understand each other. I miss my baby boys Jack and Connor every day who were born at 23weeks, 3 days , but I know I'm not alone. I just have to reach out to others that understand and have been there. I cant "fix" my pain by putting expectations on other people to help me. Even the people that love and support me. For me it is day by day . I find a way to find ways to honor my boys and I cant dwell on all the "whys " and "what ifs". Doing that keeps me so anxious and angry. Thank u all .
  • In reply to jmelin4129:

    So true! It's so important to lean on your support system. Thank you for sharing <3 I'm so sorry for your loss.
  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby girl. Nova is such a beautiful name. Know that you are not alone. Our community is filled with families who understand what you're going through because they're walked the same journey. We are here for you and will hold your hand through this! I encourage you to continue to blog here and share your story. Keep us updated on how you're doing and we will be here for you. Everyone grieves in their own way. Just take it one moment, one day at a time.

    Here is a link to our March of Dimes website that has resources that may help. Here you will find ways to take care of yourself and what you can do to honor your little one:

    If you feel comfortable, you can also share a memorial for baby Nova on our Wall of Remembrance:

    I hope you find comfort and support here on Share like so many other families have. Lots of love to you and your family! Thinking of you!
  • I get where you're coming from! Granted I wasn't as far along as you. I was only 18 weeks, but it tore me apart. It's still hard and it's been 10 years. The pain you feel will never go away, but it does get easier. It will take time for the pain to lessen. Nothing will ever replace the love you had for your baby girl and nothing ever should! Hang in there honey! You are not alone! All I ask is that you fight like hell to make things work with your boyfriend after such a loss. I see far too many couples split up after such a tragedy. My husband (boyfriend at the time of our loss) stood by my side through the worst time in my life and it has done nothing but solidify my love for him. Lean on him for support and be there for him. He's going through grief as well. It is not as great as a mother's, but he has demons haunting him about the loss as well and needs your love to keep going. Reach out to family and friends when you're feeling alone. My friends would just sit by me and let me cry without saying a word. Sometimes it's about just having someone sitting with you that gives you a little comfort. You do need to grieve and being surrounded by people who love you helps with the process. I promise will get better! Not gone...just better! Prayers for you and your boyfriend from me and my husband!