Loss of baby and the desire to try again

Hi all,

Having read so many of your stories already I know that you will all share my anguish and heartache so I feel comfortable sharing my story here.

I had a perfect pregnancy: no sickness, little weight gain, steady weight gain of baby and reached full term. Whilst I was 40weeks +4 days I knew something was wrong. My Baby had stopped moving. I went to MAU and they checked the heart rate. My baby was reactive, but described as ‘sleepy’, I had an emergency C Section and my baby was severely anaemic. She is the most beautiful thing I will ever lay eyes on, perfectly formed, a perfect size, an ultimate little doll. Truly an Angel. She was rushed to NICU due to her anaemia. The doctors tried everything to help my little baby live but unfortunately 3 days later she passed in my arms. I’m not sure my heart will ever be whole again.

I’m now living with a c-section scar. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less about my scar, I’d take a thousand to have her back with us. But I desperately want a child. My question is does anyone have any experience of conceiving quickly after the birth of any of their children when the birth was via a csection? I’m not trying to replace my baby girl, I’m trying to make myself feel partially together again. And attempting to bring her back to us.

Thanks for reading,

Kayleigh  

3 Replies

  • In reply to MamaofJane:

    Hi Sarah,

    I’m sorry for your loss. I am trying to stay off google as the advice and recommendations are so general and also span so many countries and nationalities. A lot of the information is also outdated. (My midwife and my GP have told me off for looking at every possible thing I can get my hands on).

    I’ve done some questioning on lots of support sites with women who unfortunately have experience of our situation and there are definitely scans that can be carried out to check the healing of internal scars! I’ll be fighting for one at my OB app. I’m also preparing myself for the OB to tell me the risks that you have cited. Uterine rupture is a risk, but it’s small, it’s also more prevalent when attempting a VBAC, I will not be attempting a VBAC - I’ll go for another csection. Also, because of the level of monitoring I’ll be entitled to in subsequent pregnancies they will be able to see if the baby has a risk of low birth weight, and will be able to intervene to help baby bulk out! I’ve been advised this by my midwife. I’ve already decided that I cannot wait 6 months to try, I’ll wait 3. I may not actually even fall pregnant for a few months so waiting will do nothing for my mental health. I’ll beat myself up if I wait until December and then it takes 6 more months to conceive!

    Sorry for the ramble.

    Hope you’re doing well.

    Kayleigh ❤️
  • In reply to LMP:

    Hi Kayleigh,

    So sorry for your loss.

    I had a similar story. I went into the hospital at 34 weeks because my baby wasn’t moving. After a long night of blood tests and an ultrasound they decided to do an emergency C-Section for our sweet Jane. Unfortunately she was born with lissencephaly and her brain was severely underdeveloped, causing her to be unable to breathe on her own. She died 3 days later in my husband’s arms in the NICU. We never got to bring her home.

    We also wanted to conceive quickly after Jane’s passing but my OBGYN advised us to wait 6 months before attempting to conceive. She said that although the outside scar heals around 6 weeks, there is no way to tell when the uterine scar heals fully so 6 months is a safe bet.

    The research I’ve done online says that conceiving too early after a c-section could result in low birth weight for subsequent babies or even uterine rupture.

    We’re playing it safe and waiting the full 6 months.

    Again so sorry for your loss and if you ever want to talk I’m here for you.

    ❤️Sarah
  • Hi Kayleigh, I’m so sorry for your loss. You are right that this is a place that so many feel your pain, sadly. I gave birth to our son on May 12th at 28 weeks. He lived 4 days in the NICU before passing due to his lungs not being developed enough. Reading stories like my own have helped me to not feel alone. It’s like giant whole left in my heart. We are trying again and we know this is not to replace Logan, but this was our first pregnancy and we are so wanting to a baby to bring home. Logan will remain in our hearts always. I hope someone can answer your question on a c-section recovery. Stay strong ❤️
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