Exercising after Baby Loss

I'm really struggling with trying to get fit and lose weight after the death of our baby. I gave birth to our Jane on April 19th, 2020 at 34 weeks. She died from complications to Lissencephaly, a severe brain disorder, on April 21st. I was maintaining a healthy weight all through pregnancy until the last month when I gained a little more because of Shelter in Place.

 

Now its been over 3 months since we lost her and I've been trying to lose the baby weight so I can be healthy for another pregnancy. I lost 10 pounds pretty quickly during the first month of working out, but it has since plateaued and my weight has been yo-yoing. Losing 2lbs one week and gaining it back the next.

 

Working out feels good most days, but I get sad when I stare at my closet and still can't wear most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. 

I also spend every other workout crying because I feel like if I had been healthier before I was pregnant, maybe Jane would be alive today. I just feel like my body wasn't healthy enough to keep Jane alive and I want it to be as healthy as it can be for future children. 


Our doc said we can start trying to conceive in 3 months (6 months after Jane) but I want to be fit and healthy. I just feel like a failure because I can't lose the weight.

 

Any encouragement or advice is welcome.

Thank you,

Sarah

4 Replies

  • In reply to SofiaLuna0630:

    The glimmer project podcast is one I like the most... The host is a OBGYN who also lost her baby girl. She invites other guests who have experienced similar losses in to talk about it. The second one is NICU love and loss. By hand to hold. Families talking about all sorts of losses. I listen to them while I walk and usually cry through them because how they feel is how I feel. I usually feel better after releasing all those emotions. If I hear of or find any others I’ll pass along. I also am reading a grief book that I have find so helpful. It helps you break down your emotions and gives you ways to cope. That’s called empty cradle, broken heart. ❤️
  • In reply to LMP:

    Can you share the name(s) of the podcasts you listen to?
  • In reply to MakingMesses:

    It’s so hard to care about working out after a loss like this. I just started to get back into things I once enjoyed after losing my son 3 months ago. He was born at 28 weeks and passed 4 days later in the NICU. Sometimes I listen to a podcast on pregnancy/infant loss and go for long walks. I find being outside helps, fresh air and nature. ❤️
  • I am currently on the track to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. When I am out hiking, I often cry and talk to my daughter. I feel like I could have had a better diet when I was carrying her, but the girl would only let me eat chicken nuggets and fries :) She did pass because I had a kidney stone, which I had surgery for and discovered that the type of stone is related to diet. If I had known, I would have made all the right decisions. I feel guilty that I failed her. I'm now following a kidney stone prevention diet so that I can have another, but I feel so guilty. Just be kind to yourself, and I highly recommend long long long walks.
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